‘When I’m absolutely petrified, I know the good stuff is coming’

As bestselling YA author Holly Bourne releases her latest adult novel, Pretending, she talks to Arielle Tchiprout about feminism, fear and embracing imperfection

Pretending is about a sexual assault survivor, April, as she navigates the dating world. How did you come up with the idea?

I spent five years working for a charity helping young people with their relationships, and spent time dealing with victims of sexual violence. The #Metoo movement reminded me of all the horrible things I’d seen and the girls I had helped. I also had conversations with single women who had been inspired by this new wave of feminism, but were finding that the wave hadn’t brought enough men into the dating pool. This inspired me to write a story about dating post-#metoo, and dating with trauma.

‘I WAS INSPIRED TO WRITE ABOUT DATING POST-#METOO’

Many of the observations in the book about sexual dynamics were startling. Were you worried about writing this?

When I’m absolutely petrified writing something down, I know the good stuff is coming. If I feel physically sick because it’s embarrassing, or is something I’d worry people would think was about me, I try to examine that uncomfortable feeling. I spent a lot of time talking to other women and survivors, too, as I wanted it to feel as truthful as possible. I think fiction is an incredibly powerful place to teach empathy.

What does your typical writing day look like? I’m quite rigid. I wake up early and meditate for 20 minutes, then I do a seven-minute workout video, before having a shower and breakfast, then I sit down at my desk by 9am. I make myself write 2,000 words a day for five days a week. My first drafts are dreadful because I’m forcing the words out, but I can’t work any other way.

What’s the hardest part about writing a book? Being brave enough to tell the truth. Also, understanding that when the book exists in the world, it’ll be different to what you had in your head. It’s like how you imagine a romantic partner. You have a perfect person in your head and then you meet someone you don’t expect to fall in love with – but actually, they’re better. It can be scary to let go of perfection and believe in imperfection.

How does writing YA fiction differ to writing adult fiction?

YA fiction is taken less seriously, which is a shame. That said, when I started writing adult fiction, people would call it ‘chick-lit’. Whatever I do will be diminished in some way because I’m a woman telling a story!

What are you most proud of?

Telling stories that make women feel seen and realise that it wasn’t their fault, and there isn’t anything wrong with them. When readers tell me my books have helped them, it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world.