LIFE ACCORDING TO HOLLY
Red’s cover star Holly Willoughby on the secrets of her success
It’s the morning of my Zoom call with Holly Willoughby and, full disclosure, I’m pondering over what to wear. In fact, I’ve been doing so for the past 20 minutes. As well as being anchor of This Morning, whose pizzazz as a presenter has recently seen the ratings more than double daily, Willoughby is, after all, a fashion icon, with more than 6m people following her on Instagram for style inspiration and a coveted M&S edit that sells out within seconds of landing. I opt for a slogan jumper and leggings (she won’t be seeing my lower half, right?), and when Willoughby shows up in a dusty-blue T-shirt with her name embroidered across it (a friend found it in a secondhand shop) and puts a leg in the air to display a pair of black mesh panel leggings, I feel, well, slightly relieved, and yes, I like her just a little bit more. You see, it’s that realness that is every part of Willoughby’s appeal. The truth is that neither of us expected to find ourselves here; communicating between her immaculate-looking, monochrome office and my slightly less immaculate-looking one via video call. We had visions of a glossy poolside photo shoot, more Hollywood glam than luxe loungewear. But that was before Covid-19 sent the country into lockdown. And yet now, Willoughby says, seems a good time to pause and reflect. ‘Off the back of all this, I’ve learned a lot of things and one of them is the benefit of having even more time here at home, how much better it is for me, for the kids and for Dan,’ she says. During our chat, I see the full effect of this. First, I meet husband Dan, who comes bearing lunch: a home-made steak salad and a curious-looking drink to wash it down with. ‘One gin and tonic, darling!’ he teases playfully. Willoughby immediately starts giggling, before assuring me, ‘That is honestly just water with lemon in it!’ Is this the usual order of the day in their household, I wonder? ‘This is actually a first. I think he’s showing off because he knows you’re here,’ she says. Dan has now left the room, but his voice bellows from afar: ‘Make sure you write about this part!’ If their banter is anything to go by, one can assume they’re not experiencing any kind of lockdown relationship fatigue.
It’s later in our conversation that I see the full effect of Willoughby’s change of pace. ‘This is Chester,’ she says, gleaming with pride as she introduces me to her youngest son (he’s five) who has inadvertently entered the room. He’s sandy-haired and as gorgeous as you might imagine one of her brood, which also includes Harry, 11, and Belle, eight, to be. In the blink of an eye, he runs straight into his mum’s arms, the most charming look of glee on his face, before Dan is quickly back on the scene to usher him out. It’s clear that, right now, this family is relishing having Mum all to themselves. And who can blame them?
As a nation, we’re entranced by Willoughby – her career choices, her wardrobe picks, her young family, her old friendships – so I wonder about the philosophies behind the way she lives. What has she learned that shapes the decisions she makes now or helps her to feel balanced?
And these, she tells me, are the unofficial rules she lives by…
Do the things that scare you
‘Looking back on my career, I realise that I’ve only got to this point by putting myself in uncomfortable positions. I was always very shy and I never really had the confidence to speak up for myself when I was younger.
I started modelling in my teens, just so I could earn some money to go on a gap year, and I’d go to castings for things like toothpaste commercials and sit in the waiting room, barely able to look anyone in the eye, thinking, “Oh my God, I don’t know what to do,” while all these other girls walked in looking super-confident. I felt so uncomfortable, but I didn’t give up – I pushed myself to keep going, to find that confidence. And I owe my TV career to that. These days, I try to say yes to the things that scare me most. When I got asked to stand in for Ant [Mcpartlin] on I’m A Celebrity, I was convinced that this was going to be the really terrible year that no one talked about because it was so rubbish. But I did it anyway and I had the time of my life. And then for people to say, “Actually, this isn’t the disaster we thought it was going to be.” That felt really good.’
Recognise what real success looks like
‘I don’t need or want any more in my life, but my biggest challenge is standing still and not being tempted by too much. The current situation with the coronavirus has really brought that home. It’s awful and scary, but it’s also been an opportunity to readdress and reset a few things in my life.
I feel more connected to my home now than ever and it’s allowed me to recognise the wonderful things around me. Most nights, we play a game as a family called The Dinner Quiz, where Dan goes around the dinner table asking everybody fun questions. It’s really simple, but we always end up laughing because one of us has said something silly. To me, that’s real success, appreciating how special the things are that are right in front of you. It’s not having a gazillion followers on social media, it’s cherishing the people around you. I hope I don’t lose sight of how important it is to come home, shut the door and focus on just being there.’
‘Being a mum was the thing I definitely wanted’
Set boundaries for your kids from the start
‘Parenting is hard, there’s no doubt about it; nothing can ever prepare you for how exhausting it is. It helps that Dan and I are very aligned when it comes to how we do it. We try to split all the responsibilities equally – the kids have absolutely no idea that there needs to be a feminist movement or that sexism is even a thing because they don’t see it – but we’re also pretty firm parents, which in many ways has been our saviour. Since the kids were very small, we’ve set quite solid boundaries in terms of what they can and can’t do. And while we all still have our moments (me included!), it’s meant that the time we have together now is better because we’re not constantly trying to iron out problems. Of course there are things I could do better; I’m trying desperately not to have my phone on so much and I’m useless at helping with the kids’ homework. I’m trying to help Harry with maths at the moment and I’m having to watch Carol Vorderman on Youtube to work out what on earth is going on! We’re not perfect parents, but it’s our way of doing things. And when I sit back and watch them entertain each other, I think, “We’re doing okay.”’
Let go of the parenting guilt
‘Becoming a mum was the only thing I knew I definitely wanted when I was growing up, but the image I had never involved me being a working mum and that’s been the biggest challenge. I’ve been riddled with guilt about getting that part wrong. You love them so much and you don’t want to mess them up. The truth is, I didn’t do the drop-off on Harry’s or Belle’s first day of school because I was working. I hate that I wasn’t there because those are memories you can’t get back. But I’ve realised the only way that I can combat those feelings is to accept that sometimes I don’t get it right – and that’s fine. And I’m lucky that I can be there every day to pick them up and at weekends. The boys are both football-obsessed, as is Dan, so his weekends are filled with taking them training, while Belle and I have lots of lovely girl time. She’s desperate to get a dog and I haven’t buckled yet, so we borrow other people’s dogs and take them for walks. That time is incredibly precious to me.’
Amplify your partner’s strengths (not their weaknesses)
‘Support is everything in mine and Dan’s relationship. He’s very solid ground; he is where I fall. And he knows when something is wrong – it makes me feel emotional even thinking about it. But of course he has weaknesses; we both do. The key is holding up each other’s strengths and not poking at each other’s weaknesses. There are little moments that I really cherish when he tells me he’s proud of me and vice versa. He runs a media company and they had to furlough staff recently, but I’m incredibly proud of the way he works and that people want to come back and work for him. He can wind you up to the point where you just want to scream, but he has a really good moral fibre that runs through him. In many ways, I think he’s a bit better than me like that!’
Seek out the things that ground you
‘When you’re happy with where you’re at and who you’re with, you want to stay there, and so I hope I remain very grounded. I’ve had these incredible pinch-me moments, like when I’ve been up on stage winning a BAFTA for I’m A Celebrity! – I definitely didn’t feel very grounded then – but that’s not my everyday life. That’s more like mucking in with the family duties and making a birthday cake for Belle; her saying, “Oh, I want a sloth birthday cake, Mummy” and me saying, “Well, I’m not going to be able to make that darling, am I? Are you sure you don’t want a Victoria sponge?” It’s also dyeing my own hair, which I’ve been doing for years, even though nobody’s ever believed me! It’s funny because I’ve sort of turned my back on anything high maintenance in recent years. I used to have extensions to thicken my hair up and I always wore false eyelashes, but I don’t do any of that now. It just doesn’t seem to matter anymore.’
Be at peace with your mistakes
‘I’ve struggled with dyslexia since I was young and it used to hold me back. At school, reading out loud absolutely terrified me because I’d get all the words wrong and I was convinced everybody thought I was stupid. It still happens now – most of the mistakes I make on This Morning are because of it, but it doesn’t do what it did to me back then because I don’t let it have power. I now know that it’s all about how you package it in your head. It’s not that I’ve suddenly become a better reader – I’ve simply let go of the panic of getting things wrong because it doesn’t matter. There are people on Instagram now who will say, “You’ve written ‘there’ instead of ‘their,’”– and I think, “Well, who cares? Not me!”’
Embrace the fluidity of friendship
‘My female friendships are some of the most important things in my life; they’re integral to making me tick. There’s a big group of us – Nic Appleton, Emma Bunton, Christine Lampard, Niki de Metz and a few others – and it sounds silly, but we’re really good for each other. We just know when one of us needs the others and we’re there to listen to each other and hold each other. Nothing is off limits with them. But our friendship is also very fluid – and that’s a good thing. Sometimes, we might not speak to each other for two weeks and then we’ll speak every day and then we’ll meet once a month for lunch and Champagne, which will last through to dinner – and there’s never any judgement there. It’s just a really safe space to be open and honest and I hold that so dear.’
Realise good style doesn’t have to be complicated
‘I’ll be honest, style doesn’t come naturally to me. For a long time, I was pretty clueless. There’s a picture of me on the red carpet when I first started in TV and I’m wearing a brown belted cord skirt, a brown cord jacket, fishnet tights and a weird round toe shoe. What was I thinking? But I’ve grown to like clothes more the older I’ve got and I now recognise the importance of having key staples that fit well in your wardrobe. Once you have those – a good pair of dark denim jeans (I like high-waisted), a classic shirt or a T-shirt to team them with, and a button-up dress that you can throw a leather jacket over or put a rollneck jumper under – the hard work is done for you. When I’m doing my M&S edit, I always try to choose the things that are easiest to style up in different ways because that’s how I shop myself. I buy everything online – I’m not patient enough to comb the rails – and I often buy the same thing in several different colours. And the other thing I swear by? M&S knickers. Honestly, I’m always topping up on them!’
Honour every decade
‘I turn 40 next year and I have to say, I’m really looking forward to it. My 30s have been all about the kids – bringing them up, keeping all these balls afloat – but now they’re getting older, there’s a bit more space where I can start focusing on things that are happening for me.
I see my 40s as a chance to find myself again and figure out who I am. You sort of lose sense of that a bit when you become a mum. I want to rediscover some of the things I’ve forgotten about – like music. I haven’t been to a gig in forever. Watch this space!’ Watch This Morning weekdays from 10am on ITV
‘My friends are integral to making me tick’