THREE WOMEN SHARE THEIR PANDEMIC DATING EXPERIENCES...

Nadia Deen, co-founder of The Intimology School of Healthy Pleasure

‘It’s been a real learning curve’

For me, lockdown actually made dating easier.

I don’t tend to meet anyone out and about, so it’s always been down to dating apps, which I usually find too time-consuming and pretty draining. But during lockdown, I had the space and energy to focus on these conversations.

I took the first few months to figure out what I wanted for myself and from a partner. I did a lot of self-work: meditation, journalling and running. That time of introspection really helped in the long run, because it has encouraged me to be clearer in my communication of what I’m looking for (both to myself and others).

So when I was ready to go back on to dating apps, things moved more quickly with the people I spoke to than they would have done before. Because all there was to do was talk, there was this sense of intimacy and trust. I found we would tell each other things that maybe we wouldn’t normally have done so early on. There was also much less of ‘let’s just see what happens’, and more ‘here’s what I’m looking for’.

I did a lot of phone calls and video calls. It’s so much easier to get a sense of who someone is that way, rather than over text, where meaning is so often lost. I didn’t end up meeting anyone in person. There was one guy I liked, but just before we had arranged to meet up, he raised some red flags by saying some misogynistic things, so I called it off. It was a shame but also a relief. I don’t think it’s something I would have noticed if it weren’t for having spent the time gradually getting to know him.

I’m feeling optimistic about the future of dating. I think that’s because this time has been a real learning curve for me. Dating is a process of elimination and I’ve learnt how to better filter people out. So although I haven’t found anyone these past couple of months, I’m grateful for this experience because it’s given me better tools to navigate dating in the future. theintimology.com