DATING NEVER GETS OLD
Writer, broadcaster, single: Bibi Lynch shares why her fifties are as good a time as any to date
If dating at 55 has taught me anything, it’s that the quest for love is ageless. Just like in my twenties, thirties and forties, calls to girlfriends still include ‘This is the last time I’ll talk about him, but…’; I still deliberately dress down for dates so I can pretend we’re ‘just friends having a coffee’; and I still enjoy the occasional hook-up that feeds my soul, my lust and my fantasies until the next time. But what has shifted since I’ve got older is my mindset – for the better. When I was younger, I was stupidly insecure about my looks (‘stupidly’ because I was bloody lovely, I now realise) and so desperate to please in the bedroom that no chandelier was safe around me. Men were more in control of my dating when I was younger – I’d wait for him to call or text – but not now. There’s a huge sense of freedom that comes with dating as a fiftysomething. And now I have the confidence to call the shots. The man who plays hard to get and keeps me on tenterhooks for weeks on end? Bye-bye. Turns out I’m just not that into you. I’m 55, I’m a grown-up, I’m not desperately looking for someone to ‘complete’ me, so I can enjoy the ups and downs of dating – the spontaneity, the thrill, the ‘oh, you’re married’ crash – without getting so caught up in the end game. I’m more self-assured. Now I know that confidence, experience and an increasing ability to not care about the opinions of others are much more attractive than a taut jawline. While, yes, dates may be less frequent these days – oh, the power of discernment and knowing who’s worthy of your time – they are far more satisfying. I’ve developed the chutzpah to know what I want from a partner – and how to ask for it. From a simple hand-place to an encouraging word, if you’re not open to exploring who you like, what you like, and how you like it in your fifties, then when will you? I’ve also said goodbye to self-consciousness. What is the point? Holding my stomach in during sex, and obsessing over ‘best angles’, is a waste of angst and time. Especially because, as I've learnt, my date will not care. In midlife, I’ve released myself from the self-imposed restraints of what I thought sex and relationships ‘should’ look like. In truth, they can be anything you want them to be. At 55, I’m still in love with the idea of love. I’m still breathless at the dizzying highs of dating, and desperate at the sometimes crushing lows. But that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s exciting, it’s hopeful, it’s romantic, it’s ridiculous, it’s life. And those feelings don’t change, whatever your age.
‘I now have the confidence to call the shots’