Living the soft life
When her world came crashing down around her, Jessica Morgan decided to take a different approach
We’ve decided to let you go,’ my former boss said, over Zoom, like an emotionless robot. In that moment, my job, my income, the money I was making to afford my London rent – it all evaporated into thin air. She couldn’t tell me on what grounds I was being dismissed. I’d been headhunted for the role of digital editor that year, and I loved it there. I ended the call before they could say anything further.
I cried for the next few weeks. I lost my appetite and a ton of weight, and even went back to a therapist I’d spoken to after witnessing a catastrophic event on the London Underground two years earlier. They say bad things happen in threes: the week before I lost my job, my aunt died suddenly and I broke up with my boyfriend. Was I awful at my job? We place so much of our identity in our work and I felt I’d let myself down. Ashamed, embarrassed. Like I needed to disappear.
So, when I was offered the opportunity to edit a magazine in Abu Dhabi – the kind of role I’d always dreamed of – I was all in. I’d applied for more than 100 jobs on Linkedin (most I didn’t get, or didn’t hear from) when I was approached for the second time. They’d first contacted me after I’d signed the contract for my last job. I saw it as a sign.
Plus, I wanted to go somewhere that would take me out of my comfort zone. I knew no one in Abu Dhabi, but was surprised by how many people reached out when I arrived. The American guy staying in the same hotel, the English girl who invited me to her birthday brunch. We were all somehow in the same boat, here to find ourselves, immerse ourselves in a different culture, push the boundaries of our mindsets. Only this time, I wanted to be kinder to myself.
The term ‘soft life’ originated in the Nigerian influencer community as slang for living a life of comfort and low stress. Subsequently, it had trickled into my and my friends’ vocabularies – as Black women, we no longer wanted to fight the constant pressure to be exceptional. But really, I wanted to make it a lifestyle: to move slowly, to think deeply, not only for better results but so I could be mentally strong. Lost my job? I’ll get another. Cut my hair too short? It’ll grow back. Low on cash? I’d find a way to make more. Soft living is about leading a life of ease, which I realise sounds unattainable (what’s a life without stress?), but by changing the way I reacted to circumstances and setting healthy boundaries (working my contracted hours, turning off my phone, meditation, time outdoors), I felt I could overcome anything.
During my second week in the UAE, I took an overnight desert safari. Due to the insufferable 50°C summer heat, I was the only one there. I spent the first day dune bashing in a Jeep, exploring the desert by quad bike and on foot. After sunset, I climbed to the top of the sand dune and stargazed. It felt like an Eat, Pray, Love moment, like I had ignited a fire.
That’s not to say it’s been easy. Forging a new life abroad takes effort, and at work, the stakes were high: I was single-handedly putting a magazine together. Depending on which day you found me, I was either overwhelmed or unstoppable. When I found myself sick and in hospital with no family to visit me, I realised I was really on my own.
But the thing was, I didn’t panic. The mindset I’d committed myself to over the course of four months had made me realise I couldn’t change outcomes. I was growing as a person.
Sometimes we spend a lot of time focusing on what we could’ve done differently and end up sending ourselves into a downward spiral. But without the blips and slip-ups in life, how else would we learn? If we focus our time on ensuring that we are of sound mind (such as not panicking over the relatively small things in life), we’ll be surprised at how quickly our brain cells come together to find a solution. We can’t possibly expect ourselves to do everything perfectly – we’re only human. After every breakdown comes a breakthrough. This was mine.
‘I wanted to move slowly, to think deeply so I could be mentally strong’