Rise of the machines

I, like everyone, simply started using the internet for, well, everything

Unless you’ve been sleeping with your head beneath a supercomputer mainframe for the past 12 months, it is unlikely to have escaped your attention that the AI apocalypse is finally upon us. Rather than the Hollywood version that we’ve been conditioned to believe will happen, the true war with the machines is far more insidious, beginning with stealing work away from artists, writers and other creative people.

Allegedly, I’m a creative person by trade, so I suppose I should be more scared than I am. Certainly, I had a wobble at the start of this year where I began to wonder whether I’d lose writing gigs due to AI. However, then I had a word with myself and realised I’d been here before.

Lest we forget, I used to work for Teletext – a company and a medium that I saw throttled by the internet during my watch. Sure, we could all have stood there like King Canute, yelling at the turning tide to keep away from our pixels, but it would’ve been futile.

I, like everyone, simply started using the internet for, well, everything. Reference books didn’t go away because of the internet any more than music went away when Napster first reared its head. Hoping to get in on the ground floor, I quickly started using CHATGPT as just another tool to help with work; for spelling, grammar, to bounce ideas off…

What it isn’t good for – yet anyway – is replacing the part of my work that’s uniquely, distinctively me. The part of me that would think to write the word ‘bum’ in a sentence for no good bum reason. But can it replace me as a columnist for Retro

Gamer? Let’s ask it for 100 words on retro gaming:

Retro games are a cherished part of gaming history, offering a unique and pure gaming experience. These games’ simplicity, iconic graphics and 8-bit soundtracks have become a hallmark of their charm. Retro games are often associated with arcade culture and have built a strong sense of community around them. Playing these games can transport players back to a simpler time and evoke feelings of nostalgia. Whether you grew up playing them or are discovering them for the first time, retro games offer a glimpse into gaming’s rich history and remind us of the joy and excitement that videogames can bring.

So far so anodyne, but let’s see if – as we’re warned – it’s cribbing from existing work. Let’s get more specific, and ask it for 100 words on one of my favourite games, in the style of Mr Biffo:

Gor blimey, Skool Daze is a proper ’ave-it game, ain’t it? This little gem from 1984 is the perfect example of old-school 8-bit gaming – simple, addictive, and as tough as a brick wall. In the game, you play as Eric, a scrappy little nipper who’s always getting into trouble at school. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to navigate the school, avoid the strict teachers, and get your homework done before the end of term. But watch out – one wrong move and you’ll end up in detention faster than you can say ‘maths class’. It’s a right challenge, but Skool Daze is the dog’s danglies, and anyone who says different can do one!

I mean, I don’t know whether to be offended, flattered, or sick.