A chance encounter stopped me jumping
AMUM has told of the ‘miracle’ which stopped her from throwing herself off a bridge where scores of people have attempted to take their own lives.
Rachel Avellanet, 35, from Heywood, had left the psychiatric ward at hospital determined to kill herself - and it hadn’t been her first attempt.
As she walked towards a bridge not far from her home two months ago, by sheer coincidence her daughter’s boyfriend - who knew she should be in hospital - passed her in his car. After seeing Rachel, he alerted her family.
Her father and husband arrived at the bridge just in time to distract her, grab her and hold her down.
She had been already been to the bridge intent on jumping off when she was placed on a ‘Section 136’ where police can detain people for 48 hours for their own safety.
Mother-of-three Rachel explained: “They took me to A&E and stayed with me until I was assessed.
“When I did get assessed they said there was nothing they could do. So I went straight back to the bridge.
“My daughter’s boyfriend called her to say he thought I was still in hospital, and that alerted my family.
“I had walked to the bridge and got to the point where I was going to jump.
“I saw my dad and he distracted me, then my husband grabbed me from behind and they held me down. The police turned up also. I had been determined to kill myself.
“My husband was crying his eyes out. The police said they couldn’t believe the hospital had let me out. If it hadn’t been for my daughter’s boyfriend seeing me, I wouldn’t be here now. It was a bit of a miracle.”
Rachel’s near-death experience prompted her to share her story on Facebook in May after years of hiding her mental illness - and the support she has received as a result has been life-changing.
And it resulted in more than 200 messages of support - more than half of which were from people she doesn’t know, many from fellow sufferers.
“I’m still replying to those messages,” she said. “The response was overwhelming, but it shows that mental illness is a massive problem in society. I just want people to know that they are not alone. And there are more people with the same problem than they know.
“It’s OK not to be OK. The more people that talk, the easier it will be for people to understand.”
Rachel went on: “I’ve had my mental illness since I was about 15 as a result of trauma I had growing up. There was sexual abuse and I was in a relationship where there was emotional and physical abuse.
“People say ‘why do you keep dragging it up, just move on’. It’s difficult, but I feel it’s more difficult for everyone else rather than myself. I have BPD - borderline personality disorder - and severe depression and anxiety.
“More recently in hospital a doctor said he thinks I’m on the spectrum for autism. I’ve been in and out of hospital many times as a result of my mental health.
“The biggest part of it started with my ex-partner. I didn’t know what was going on any more. I just wanted to end my life.
“They say they’ll change and you believe it and then it happens again. Somehow I found the strength to press charges.
“But I was put on a Section for my own welfare.
“I’m on quite a lot of medication. I take 16 tablets a day.
“They have side effects like weight gain and they have a sedative effect, so much so that I’m not allowed to drive.
“I’ve tried to kill myself numerous times. In 2018 I went missing for a period of time. I went here there and everywhere.
“There have been times when I’ve stopped taking my meds because I don’t want to do it any more. But then I become ill and I don’t even realise it.
“My husband says a switch just goes in me.”
When Covid hit Rachel lost her job in recruitment. She said she lost ‘all her structure’ and ended up in hospital for six weeks.
And she has now started her own business specialising in personalised printing on clothing or other items.
Rachel said: “I didn’t want to go down the route of hiding my mental health and anxiety illness.
“In the past, in jobs I’ve had I’ve had to lie about my illness - saying I’ve eaten something, or I’ve got food poisoning.
“Now, I tell all my customers about my issues.
“I’ve gone from being someone who doesn’t want to tell anyone anything to someone who wants to share it with the whole world. I feel the more I talk about it, the easier it gets.
“Trying to live with mental illness every day is really difficult. I don’t fear death. In your darkest moments, you think whatever is on the other side (death) has got to be better than this.
“What I’m doing to try to break the chain is to be more honest. It was very difficult (writing the Facebook post), I had it in my drafts for days.
“But I’m trying to do something different. Because of Covid, so many people who’ve never had depression or anxiety are now starting to struggle.
“In my case, I can be happy, laughing and joking and then half an hour later I want to go out and kill myself, that’s how random it can be.
“My husband is so amazing. He is the glue that keeps us there together. He’s always there to pick up the pieces.
“He’s still there and he still loves me.
“I don’t know why I keep doing it (attempting suicide). If it was simple I wouldn’t be putting my husband, my children and my mum and dad through it.”
Meanwhile, Rachel has used her printing skills to produce 40 posters and has attached one to the bridge she would’ve jumped off, with a message to other potential victims. It reads: “Things to remember. Setbacks don’t equal failure. You are more than an illness. It’s OK to rest. Not everything you think is true.”
And her Facebook post also sends out a potent message, saying: “I know when I start to feel this way or think this way, I need help.
“I know that when my behaviour starts to change, I need guidance.
“And I understand that I don’t need to be ashamed. I don’t need to be understood. I just need to be accepted. Everyone is fighting a battle and sometimes you need to be kinder to realise what people are going through.
“So I may just be another person who’s talking about mental health. But I want to show you that you should speak out, shouldn’t be ashamed and be proud that your strong enough to show your weaknesses.
“And to my family and friends, I love you and I’m grateful because living with this illness is hard, but trying to understand it, is even harder.
“This is my story and I’m no longer going to be ashamed about my conditions. Don’t suffer in silence. Please feel free to share this and let people know that it is ok to talk and please inbox me your stories or experience.”