Why do mums feel ‘invisible’?
LISA SALMON looks into a new study which reveals that 93% of mothers feel unseen and unappreciated
MOST women feel ‘invisible’ and ‘unappreciated’ when they become mothers, research has revealed.
Instead of ‘having it all’, 72% of mums feel invisible and 93% say they are unappreciated, unacknowledged or unseen once they’ve had children. Another 93% said that since having a child, their identity has been reduced to only being a mother.
And the weight of expectation is huge, too, with 97% of mums questioned in the survey by the online motherhood community Peanut saying pressure is put on them to ‘do it all and be it all’.
Plus, 94% believe they’re expected to put themselves last and selfsacrifice for their families, partners, jobs, and other responsibilities, so they can achieve what they feel is required of them. Nearly half of mums (46%) said they don’t feel supported by the healthcare system after giving birth, and
Dr Rachel Goldman 70% expected more support from society in general.
As a result, most women surveyed (95%) agreed there’s an impact on their mental health and wellbeing, with 86% having experienced anxiety, 82% feeling stressed, burned out or exhausted, and 80% feeling overwhelmed, or lonely and isolated.
Other strong feelings identified by mums included irritability (78%), loss of identity (65%), feeling judged (66%), feeling unsupported (64%), guilt (63%), depression (55%), resentment (54%), worthlessness (50%), and neglect (24%).
Women attributed the things making them feel invisible to unfair division of labour in the home, trying to juggle a career and childcare, lack of empathy and understanding from both family and everyone else, gaps in healthcare and mental health support, identity and independence struggles, hiding the pain of pregnancy loss, and general pressure from healthcare, education institutions and the media.
Commenting on the findings, psychologist Dr Rachel Goldman says: “The invisibility of motherhood is a stark reality many face. The journey begins with frequent visits to healthcare providers, but once the child arrives, there’s a sudden gap, creating a sense of abandonment.”
As a result of the research, Peanut has launched an Invisible Mothers campaign, featuring a State of Invisibility report, to draw attention to mums’ struggles and highlight ways to improve support.
The report found mums think increased empathy and gender equality would help them feel more visible, with 82% calling for flexible, family-friendly workplaces, 77% wanting equal and extended leave for both parents, and 71% saying an equal share of parenting tasks would help.
The report also identified the most common unwanted questions that contribute to mothers’ feelings of invisibility, with alternatives that women say they would prefer to hear. So instead of asking ‘How’s the baby?’, Peanut suggests mums are asked ‘How are you really – mentally, emotionally and physically?’, and rather than ‘Was the pregnancy planned?’, try ‘Are you excited?’, and change ‘How do you do it all?’ to ‘How’s the mental load?’.
Dr Goldman adds: “By acknowledging and addressing these issues, we can begin to truly support motherhood.”