A DIFFERENT JINGLE BELLS!

Jingle hell, jingle hell Jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to spend A month’s pay in one day! (x 2)

You might think it’s naive When you have got to rush To shop on Christmas Eve When there’s a mighty crush Smiths was my first stop

I’d be an hour or two

Cos you’ll know that’s the shop With a stationery queue! A calendar I sought

Now if you’re as wise as me You’ll know they’re best not bought

Til the end of January

Good thing then is this

They’re nowhere near as dear And all you’re gonna miss Is one month of the year!

Chorus

I queue for hours in line

Queueing I can’t abide

Then I see the sign:

“QUEUE THE OTHER SIDE”! I rummaged in my bag

And there a voucher found

I’d get a fiver off

If I spent twenty pound I totalled up my stuff

Then checked it one more time Was sure I’d bought enough DAMMIT! - £19-99!

I had to spend a penny

A very cheap gift would do

But for one p there weren’t any So, I nipped off to the loo!

Chorus

Then I needed just one stamp And grief this made me shout They insisted at the till:

“It’s a book of 12 or nowt!” I then said: “If you would Knock five pounds off the price”

The lady at the till

Then gave me this advice: “Peruse your voucher Sir

But you may need to squint” And then that made me swear I’d not read the small print!

The lady said to me: “I think it’s clear as day The voucher, Sir, you see Expired yesterday!”

Chorus

I stagger out of Smiths

The alarm goes “DEE DEE DEE!”

I break out in a sweat

And the staff all glare at me “Now I’m not nicking stuff You can frisk me anyway It’ll probably be the greatest thrill

I’m gonna get today!”

Now my next shopping spree Is not too far away

If I’ve got the energy

It’s SALES ON BOXING DAY!

Chorus

Merry Christmas!

Ian Aitchison Stonehill Road Rooley Moor