Rossendale Free Press

The twins want to have their cake and eat it... for breakfast, lunch and dinner

DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS

- RICHARD IRVINE

“I DON’T like it,” Emma whined, when presented with a fish finger sandwich.

“You haven’t tried it,” I said to which she responded, “I don’t want to”.

To show her it was edible, I took one bite.

It was very tasty, my lunch was a far less exciting low-fat yoghurt and berries, as I’m already on the traditiona­l post-Christmas diet.

I decided to cut it into quarters to tempt her and ate the piece I’d half eaten because she wouldn’t want that.

She continued to refuse, so I ate another quarter, to prove its tastiness.

By then it was going cold, so I ate a further quarter, followed by the remainder on the basis I wasn’t wasting food. Admittedly, she was showing some interest by now, but she’d missed her chance.

Victoria walked in and cooed “good girl, Emma, you’ve eaten it all”. After some explanatio­n and reassuranc­e we did have extra fish fingers, I added sugary brioche buns, mayonnaise, butter and ketchup to create a slightly saucier less healthy sandwich.

Naturally she ate it all, further proving ‘the twins will wolf down anything as long as it involves fat or sugar and maybe a bit of salt’ hypothesis.

This study was something I’d been working on for a while after stumbling across the phenomenon when I observed them trying ice cream for the first time.

The revelation of fat and sugar mixed together in a frozen treat means it’s now virtually impossible to go into a public park without them asking for ice cream at some point.

The work had taken more of a scientific direction of late. I’d been studying their reaction to toast.

I’d serve them white toasted bread coated with nothing, butter, honey or both butter and honey.

The results were striking with butter and honey a clear favourite statistica­lly proving the twins were 100% more likely to devour 100% of something unhealthy compared to broccoli. The only conclusion I could reach was the three-year-old test subjects (my children) were geneticall­y pre-programmed to opt for the calorific unhealthy option.

It’s worth mentioning during the course of the study, they did eat healthily apart from during weekend mornings when I was in charge and assessed dietary intake during the toast trials.

It’s best I also say they like fruit and vegetables, but they don’t love them. Not like they love cake, which provokes incredible excitement.

“Will there be cake?” is always the first question they ask when a birthday is mentioned.

It’s a bit dishearten­ing because no matter how hard we try to cook something nice, it’ll always come out second best to processed fats and sugars in an unhealthy package

And secondly there’s no way either of them will share a pudding with me.

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 ??  ?? One more bite...
One more bite...

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