Rossendale Free Press

Emma’s ability to think inside the box means poor Thomas will never be an alpha male

DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS

- RICHARD IRVINE

EMMA has long been the dominant force in the twins’ relationsh­ip.

She’s a woman who refuses to be silenced and instructs the long-suffering man (Thomas) on exactly what he should be doing and when. Occasional­ly, I’ll watch them playing and suffer flashbacks to those awful sitcoms with the hen-pecked husband being controlled by the bossy, domineerin­g and easily angered wife.

The other day, she cruised past me on her tricycle with her feet up, while he pushed her across the kitchen, not unlike

Warrior Queen Boudica riding her chariot.

In some ways, we’ve abused this dominance and let Emma act as a henchman. For example, if Thomas is playing with his Lego and ignoring my calls of ‘dinner’, I’ll send Emma in to reinforce my message with a small amount of physical force and the proviso, ‘don’t hurt him’.

We’ve grown to accept this as the status-quo, but it does provoke a few questions about what’s normal and whether it’s changed since I was a boy?

Or, has the man always played second fiddle despite everything I learned from James Bond and Burt Reynolds in the 1980s?

Although according to friends with similarly aged offspring, the girl rules the roost, and the boy knows his place. What worries me is the possibilit­y that Thomas, unlike the rest of mankind, adapts

and ends up keeping his mouth shut for a quiet life.

Or maybe not, I thought the other day, when I walked into the lounge and the disturbing sight of Emma fully encased inside a storage box greeted me.

Although the box was not airtight, it was fairly terrifying. I rescued her and she immediatel­y and emotionall­y told me a torrid tale of how Thomas had locked her in the box.

Next, I captured Thomas, who was hiding under the sofa, explained the dangers of locking others in boxes until he too cried and then I placed the containers on top of a shelving unit with the rest of the contraband.

Finally, he’d reached the end of his tether and physically imprisoned his emotional captor.

Unfortunat­ely, the worm had not turned. Later, I heard her bullying him into climbing the shelving unit to retrieve the boxes so she could hide.

And then everything made sense. Emma loves to secrete herself away to evade capture. The reality was she’d hidden in the box, asked him to close the lid then blamed him to escape any type of ‘heat’ when she sensed my concern.

The matriarcha­l hierarchy was restored, and mankind had not only lost the coup d’état but had never actually started it.

 ??  ?? Misleading? James Bond
Misleading? James Bond
 ??  ?? Short caption
Short caption

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