When it comes to stamping my authority, I’m learning from the Mafia
It’s about this time of year I make some challenging life decisions postChristmas weigh-in. After questioning the accuracy of the scales, I’ll panic, sign up and pre-pay for a challenging running event, hoping to be Mo Farah in six months.
Naturally, when the deadline comes, I’m more out-of-shape Tyson Fury than Mo, which means I either lose the money or hope for a medical condition to surface, so I can claim the cash back.
It’s for this reason, I’ve given up on myself and decided to focus on the next generation, who provide enough challenges without my selfimposed ones, but what remains a central issue is their continued refusal to comply with authority (me).
Depending on the general mood, it can take a good hour of gentle negotiations to force Thomas into clothes. Only for him to remove them all and sprint around the house naked, mocking us. Emma is more compliant with clothes but struggles with brushing her hair or teeth.
Therefore, my one goal this year is to manage that behaviour to avoid wasted hours, tears (me) and emotions.
I’ve experimented with shouting loudly, but this results in two scenarios. The first is they react angrily, and the situation escalates into a stand-off, as evidenced when Emma and I spent an evening bellowing at each other about brushing teeth.
Afterwards, I feel guilty for shouting and don’t achieve anything.
The second scenario occurs if they’re
together and they’ll treat it like a game.
I’ll be shouting for someone to do something so we can leave the house, and they’ll be running away and hiding.
My other approach is the heartfelt plea, appealing to their charitable side.
“Please can you stop writing on the wall and put some clothes on for poor daddy,” I’ll say pathetically, and they’ll simply ignore me.
This experimentation has led me to stumble upon a somewhat Mafia-esque approach to raising offspring. The Cosa Nostra is known for many things and childcare is maybe not one of them, but this does seem to work
The key is to keep calm, take an emotionless stance and employ some gentle blackmail – “That’s a real shame you won’t put any clothes on for daddy because now you can’t go to the park with me and Emma, and you’ll be here all alone,” I’ll simply say and refuse to get drawn into further conversation, leaving the threat hanging in the air.
It can feel tough, but I’ve noticed people listen to the Mafia in movies.
And they’ll hopefully grow out of it, so I won’t have to play Don Corleone for too long.