I can have a decent rest

they’re having piggyback rides across the kitchen when you have an actual job to do.

STEP 3 is to wait until the house is quiet before taking lunch. If Victoria is lurking, I’ll spend that vital half hour unblocking a pipe, loading the dishwasher or fixing the wi-fi because she’s been saving that work for when I emerge.

If anyone is present, I keep it professional, wish them a good morning and walk quickly past to prepare lunch, before I’m drawn into a situation.

STEP 4 is don’t include the children in my working life at all. One day, I decided to show them off to colleagues while in a Zoom call. The twins acted cute for the camera, workmates laughed, and it was rather nice for a few minutes, until I realised the twins were not leaving and getting braver in their quest for laughs by hitting me over the head.

The next half hour was spent trying to forcefully evict them from the room and the next week was spent fending off requests for them to join a meeting.

But now it seems things are returning to normal so I’m looking forward to going back to the office for a nice rest and a bit of peace and quiet.