Cancer diagnosis brings up so many emotions
Lorrie Forsyth, clinical psychologist at Maggie’s Lanarkshire, says when you’re diagnosed with cancer, you, your partner and other family members can experience a variety of feelings from shock to denial, to anxiety, anger and depression.
“Sometimes, cancer brings couples together,” explained Lorrie.
“Taking time off work and trips to hospital helps them reconnect, as does talking about things that haven’t been talked about – such as wishes for the future.
“But it can also drive a wedge. It depends how individuals cope. Some cope by finding out lots of information, and some by wanting to know the minimum and do not want to talk about it.
“If both have a different coping style, that can be difficult. If they are a talker and want information, they can get that at Maggie’s or with their health care team.
“It’s important to respect that if the other partner is not wanting information, that is fine too, and it’s about finding another way of handling that.”
Lorrie says relationships are affected by a change in the body due to surgery, chemotherapy or radiotherapy, or when fatigue means that a person cannot engage in pastimes or intimacy.
“Often, people want to protect loved ones and don’t talk because they don’t want to upset a loved one, which makes them feel they are being shut out,”she said.
“We encourage couples to try and talk here, either together or with other people - just opening up these conversations and not worrying about being upset. It can be good to cry and show fear, anger and anxiety and all the things that come along with cancer. It is okay to share that with a partner.”
She says cancer can also change your relationship with yourself and your body, as people reassess who they are and what’s important to them.