Could therapy help you live your best life?
AFTER PRINCE HARRY REVEALED HOW MUCH SEEING A THERAPIST HELPED HIM, TWO PRACTITIONERS TELL LISA SALMON HOW IT WORKS AND WHO MIGHT BENEFIT
THE Duke of Sussex is no stranger to therapy, and amid the flood of revelations in his controversial new book, Spare, he says he called his therapist even before speaking to his wife Meghan after being ‘knocked to the floor’ by his brother William, the Prince of Wales, during a row.
Prince Harry, 38, is reported to have started seeing a counsellor in his late 20s after suffering anxiety, and he’s said he’s also had years of therapy since meeting Meghan.
In an interview with US talk show host Oprah Winfrey, he revealed: “For me, therapy has equipped me to be able to take on anything.”
But who is therapy for, and what are the benefits?
What exactly is therapy?
“Therapy is when you explore your life experiences, thoughts, feelings and behaviours by talking with a trained professional,” explains therapist Caroline Jesper, head of professional standards at the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP; bacp.co.uk).
“It can change your life, be a fantastic way to help you deal with challenges you face and realise your full potential.
“It can help you understand more about yourself and your relationships.”
Find the kind of therapy that’s right for you
Psychotherapist Anna Mathur, who runs the podcast The Therapy Edit (annamathur. com/podcast), explains there are different kinds of therapy.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), is a solution-based variety which looks at your current challenges, and provides tools “to make things a little smoother”.
“There are other types of therapy like trauma therapy that dig that little bit deeper,” she says, “like the classic ‘Tell me about your mother,’ looking at relationships and childhood, recognising everything we’ve been through plays out in our present life and our interactions with people.
“So, if we want to change how we experience our present-day life, what we often need to do is look at our history and where there’s been trauma and suppressed emotion, which is what Harry talks a lot about.
“I talk about glasses being dropped on the floor and you step on them and put them back on.
“You’re then seeing life through those cracked lenses, and that’s what happens when you go through a trauma or suppress emotions.
“It might be deep down within us, but we’re living life as if we’re looking through the cracked lenses. Therapy is like repairing those glasses.”
You won’t be judged
“You can say anything to your therapist and they won’t judge you,” Caroline stresses.
“They’ll help you to understand why you feel a certain way and support you to find your own ways to cope, so you can make positive changes in your life.
“It’s a safe, confidential space. Building a strong, trusting relationship with your therapist is important for you to open up and be honest with them, and for the therapy to make a difference.
“It’s very different to talking to a friend or relative, as therapists are trained to support you and are impartial, rather than imposing their own opinions on you.”
It’s not just for people suffering with mental health problems
Therapy can help with a range of different issues – anxiety, depression, stress, bereavement, relationships and more, explains Caroline, who stresses it’s not just for people who have mental health issues.
“Anyone can benefit from therapy if they’re struggling with something in their life,” she says.
It can help uncover hidden trauma
Anna says people may not always realise trauma is affecting them.
She explains: “A good example is childbirth. People may have what looks like a very textbook labour, but if we fear for our lives and feel unsafe and don’t feel heard, that can be traumatic.
“It’s not necessarily about what happened, it’s about how we experienced it.”
A therapist will be able to identify certain behaviours related to a past trauma, she explains.
“It might be that something makes you upset and you have no idea why – you might have an aversion to certain experiences and you don’t know why.
“Trauma is also triggered, so maybe someone uses similar words or you find yourself in a certain location and it’s triggered that original trauma.
“It can be confusing for people, and it can be an incredibly powerful thing when someone starts connecting those dots for you.”
Admitting you might need therapy
Anna says people in the UK are becoming more open to therapy.
“As a therapist, it’s quite hard to work with someone who’s not willing, or recognising there’s a challenge there,” she says.
“They have to be willing to explore things and open up.
“It’s a massive step for people to take, especially if there are things that are repressed, because in their childhood they were taught that you shouldn’t open up.
“That stiff upper lip approach is actually quite damaging, but I think we’re recognising that.
“With all the parenting resources we have now, we’re being a lot more accommodating with our children’s emotions, so there’s been a huge shift.
“But William and Harry are of that generation where Harry seems to have a foot in both camps.
“He’s got this new awareness, and no doubt he’ll be encouraging his children to open up emotionally and validate emotions that were perhaps never validated in his own childhood.
“We probably have friends that are having therapy that might not have mentioned it, so I’m pretty sure Harry will be giving people the confidence to talk about it.”
Accessing therapy
You can seek therapy through the NHS, your school or work, through charities or voluntary services, or pay to see a private therapist.
Anna says: “We’re in a mental health crisis and not everyone can access private therapy, so tools are widely available online too.”
Meanwhile, Caroline warns: “A lot of people don’t realise that in the UK, anyone can call themselves a counsellor or psychotherapist – it’s not a profession that’s regulated by law.”
She stresses that patients should find a therapist who’s registered with a professional body accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, such as BACP, so they know the therapist meets high professional and ethical standards, and is fully qualified.
We probably have friends that are having therapy that might not have mentioned it, so I’m pretty sure [Prince] Harry will be giving people the confidence to talk about it
Psychotherapist Anna Mathur