If Abbey’s trout pout gets any bigger it’ll trip up her partner
AGOOD early indicator of the celebrities who will go far on Strictly is to clock how easily they make it down the sweeping staircase during the launch show. Any contestant who glides to the bottom like a frolicking gazelle is likely to stick around for some time, while those who shuffle down, holding on to both bannisters for dear life and generally looking like they’re on the NHS waiting list for a new hip probably won’t be troubling the final.
With that in mind, I’d say Deborah Meaden from Dragons’ Den and golfer Tony Jacklin could well be watching the show from the comfort of their own sofas before the clocks go back.
Much has been made of this year’s crop of little-known celebrities and when even head judge Len Goodman doesn’t declare the line up to be the ‘best ever’ you might think the show is in serious trouble. But the truth is that Strictly has never attracted the really big names because glittering A-listers don’t tend to have 16 weeks spare.
How many people had heard of Chelsee Healey, Harry Judd and Dani Harmer before they danced on the programme – yet they all ended up in the final.
The better-known stars often turn out to be a big disappointment on the dance floor. Isn’t that right, Jerry Hall?
We still have another three weeks to go before the competition proper starts, but Saturday saw the launch show, the Strictly red carpet event where the celebrity dancers are paired with their professional partners.
It was also an opportunity to be reminded of Bruce Forsyth’s unique autocue and prompting card reading skills and to see that Tess Daly still appears to be getting her clothes from the Big Fat Gypsy Wedding shop.
One of the most entertaining things about the first show (apart from the train-wreck ensemble dance at the end) is watching the professional dancers try to look pleased when they’re paired with an old duffer. Glamorous Russian Ali ona Vilani must have really upset somebody i mportant, because last year she landed Johnny Ball, the oldest ever contestant, and this year she’s teamed with 69year- old Jacklin.
Meanwhile, James Jordan wasn’t exactly smiling from ear-to- ear when he was paired with reality show veteran Vanessa Feltz of whom Craig Revel Horwood said it would take ‘some kind of miracle’ to turn into a good dancer.
Vanessa, who looked like she’d been cooked in fake tan rather than sprayed in it, said she was going to be quick with the quips if the judges put her down. If her performance in the group dance was anything to go on, then she’d bet- ter start working on those quips now. Judge Bruno Tonioli swooned over the male celebrities, stating that the ‘hunk-o-meter’ was hitting the roof.
First impressions were that rugby beefcake Ben Cohen looked a sure bet for ripping his shirt off at the earliest opportunity, while Casualty’s Patrick Robinson seemed the most likeable.
BUT if the hunk-o-meter was scoring high then the babeo-meter was even more impressive. It’s lovely to have Countdown’s Rachel Riley taking part. She looks stunning (her cleavage was positively eye-popping) but, more importantly, as a maths genius, we can hopefully count on her to not join in with any talk of giving ‘one hun- dred and ten per cent’. Model Abbey Clancy lucked out when she was paired with gorgeous Slovenian newcomer Aljaz Skorjanec, making them easily the best-looking couple on the show.
But I can’t help feeling that Abbey’s going to have to rein in all that pouting, posing and hair-flicking if she wants viewers to vote for her.
She’s already tweeting pictures of herself in her knickers and the competition hasn’t even started yet. And if that trout pout gets any bigger Aljaz will be tripping over it by the end of the series.
In keeping with Strictly tradition, the launchs how ended with a group dance featuring all 15 celebrities and, as usual, it was an un-coordinated, rhythmfree mess that looked more Gangnam than graceful – with one very noticeable exception. Natalie Gumede.
The former Coronation Street star was head and shoulders above all the other dancers and it’s little surprise she’s the bookies odds-on favourite.
She’s already faced accusations of having an unfair advantage due to her stage school training, which all seems a bit daft. From what I saw in the group dance anybody who can tell their left from their right wi l l have an unfair advantage.
Following Saturday night’s show two things stuck firmly in my mind. How great it is to have Strictly back – and how on earth will half the contestants ever get turned into dancers.