Hardcastle

LABOUR’S ex-leader Neil Kinnock asked Ed Miliband where he got his recent conference slogan ‘Britain can do better’. Miliband: ‘Actually it’s what you said the night you acknowledged defeat in the 1992 election.’ Kinnock: ‘I didn’t say that.’ Miliband: ‘No, you actually said “Britain deserves better”.’ Surely it would have been cleverer to avoid entirely a phrase recalling this humiliating, unexpected Labour election defeat. NICK Clegg’s wife Miri a m Gonzalez Durantez (as she likes to be called) is asked by a l adies’ mag, Grazia, if she’ll stand for Parliament one day. ‘I never say never on anything – but no, not now,’ she replies. As for Justine Miliband’s recent plea to be seen as ‘more than just a dress’ Miriam, pictured, remarks: ‘If you do not behave like a dress, nobody will think you are a dress.’ Is it possible the Cleggs – who make a point of eschewing lovey-dovey conference platform displays – look down on the Camerons and the Milibands? THE Foreign Office has put together a list of top tips for the skiing season, including: take out insurance; have a medical check-up; don’t drink and ski; watch your speed; don’t attempt slopes beyond your ability; wear a helmet. For some reason they haven’t included ‘wrap up warm and look right, left and right again before crossing the piste’. WHAT will Prestwick Airport be like in Scottish Government hands? Under Cabinet nippy sweetie Nicola Sturgeon, there’ll be no cheap booze and cigarettes for travellers, for a start. And Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary is for it when the Minister for Fun (Abolition Of) sets her sights on him. He caused apoplexy after suggesting his airline’s putative transatlantic service would include sexual favours from the cabin crew. Expect the SNP’s airport to swap its ‘Pure dead brilliant’ motto for ‘Nae enjoyin’ yirsel’ noo!’ EX-PRESIDENT Bill Clinton’s daughter, Chelsea, will ‘guest edit’ the BBC World Service’s Newshour programme on Monday. Chelsea, 33, is being groomed for a future in US politics. The Clintons, who are Democrats, are on the BBC’s political wavelength. Would either of Republican ex- President George W Bush’s twin daughters – Jenna and Barbara, 31 – have been considered by the BBC? WRITER and cartoonist James Thurber’s short story, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty – made into a 1947 movie starring Danny Kaye – is now a £56million film starring Sean Penn and Ben Stiller. The late, dry-as-a-bone humorist Thurber would be amused to hear there was a 19year development process reportedly involving ‘five directors, four lead actors, three studios and one lawsuit’ before the comedy film was made. AMONG pets competing in today’s Westminster Dog of the Year is retiring Falkirk Labour MP Eric Joyce’s six-month-old Irish wheaten terrier Brodie, a spirited but playful breed with a tendency to jump up to lick a person’s face – known as a wheaten greetin’. More acceptable than owner Eric’s form of greeting, known as a Glasgow kiss.