WORLD CUP WATCH

AFTER Chile beat spain 2-0, the BBC’s £ 1.5 million presenter Gary Lineker pondered: ‘I suppose what spain needed in the second half was to score a goal.’ Crisp commentary, Gary!

PUNDITS claim the reason Wayne Rooney missed two headers in the Uruguay match was because he’s past it. Nonsense. It’s that damned £15,000 hair transplant he’s had. Not much chance of an effective header off a Brillo pad.

COLEEN ROONEY was in tears as England lost, clearly thinking: ‘Oh no, now I’ve got to spend the entire summer with that baboon.’ she should console herself that at least her two young sons will have someone who’s intellectually their equal to play with.