Apparently the frumpy Seventies throwback look’s the next big thing

OVER the years Dawn O’Porter (nee Porter) has presented shows about everything from lesbianism and mail order brides to breast cancer and dieting.

For her latest venture she is exploring the world of ‘pre-worn’ clothes — or ‘vintage’ as anything more than 20 years old now seems to be termed — in a new series This Old Thing (C4).

In keeping with her previous work it’s all done in a jokey ‘I’m your best mate’ kind of way. From the jerky camera work in the opening titles, to the use of a warehouse apartment setting and the inclusion of a few bloopers, the message was clear: this is cool TV.

At times the whole style of last night’s episode reminded me of the worst of ‘yoof TV’ from the Nineties, where presenters were far too hip to do anything as professional as, s ay, learn their lines or s how t he slightest interest in anybody they interviewed.

In fairness to Dawn, she’s far more diligent and l i keable than that, but she’s suffering f r om her producers’ fixation with making her girly and quirky.

The aim of This Old Thing is to get fashion lovers to look beyond High Street stores when shopping for new clothes. First, Dawn met Carly from Essex, whom she had ‘just one day to convert to vintage’.

Why only one day? It’s your show Dawn, I’m sure you could have taken ten if you wanted. Nevertheless, Dawn stuck Carly i n a frumpy sequinned dress from the Seventies that looked like something The Three Degrees might have worn and everyone was happy.

Much harder to convince was Chevonne from Bristol who not only loved her High Street tat but also had a very peculiar idea of what other people did in their clothes.

She hated the idea of second-hand togs because the previous owners could have been ‘full of diseases’. She would agree to try clothes on only after being assured that they were not sticky or stinky.

A keen vintage fan herself, Dawn used the programme to showcase her own buys. Some were lovely but a fair few looked like something Fraulein Maria had run up from her bedroom curtains in The Sound Of Music.

When not shopping, Dawn was helping other fashion lovers revamp their existing vintage clothing at her warehouse studio, where a team of expert designers, cutters and tailors had been assembled.

Between them they managed to make a hideous tartan jacket look a bit l ess hideous, t o dress one poor lady like an extra from the Michael Jackson Thriller video and to ruin a perfectly nice white, cotton dress completely.

There was nothing original about the show — in fact the title ‘This Old Thing’ perfectly sums up this type of programming.

And it’s not just clothes being revamped on TV. Over the past two years the trend for taking old quiz shows and giving them a modern twist has become huge — mostly because it’s dirt cheap to do.

Last night we had All Star Mr & Mrs (ITV) presented by Phillip Schofield. The original ran from 1968 for 20 years with married couples who answered questions about pipes and slippers in a studio with wobbling scenery.

The 2014 version is sparkly and spangly, with dramatic music and strobe lighting. It’s also big on audience participation. Anyone daft enough to want to watch the recording was made to cheer, boo, wolf-whistle and sing silly songs.

The contestants were celebrities competing for charities, but not before providing us with some compellingly fascinating insights into their lives: Nigel Havers liked to dust and walked faster than his wife; Westlife singer Kian Egan didn’t like Marmite while footballer Paul Ince bit his nails. I was on the edge of my seat, I can tell you.

In the end it turned out that none of them knew that much about their other halves. They walked away with a gaudy looking carriage clock, based on the show’s original prize.

Nigel didn’t know his wife’s favourite designer and she couldn’t remember the name of his biography but they still won £5,000 for charity, which i n ITV’s eyes probably made it all OK.

Giving money to charity is good. Using it as an excuse to churn out endless naff, bargain basement telly is not.