Do all lagers really taste the same?
That’s what academics claimed this week. They must be squiffy, says drinks expert JILLY GOOLDEN. Some are nectar — and some are vile!
WHILE you might be able to tell a Merlot from a Malbec, what’s your lager knowledge like? Probably awful, if a survey t his week is anything to go by. Lager may be an ever more popular summer drink with both sexes, but a taste test conducted by the Stockholm School of Economics found hardly anyone could tell different brands apart.
So are they really all the same? To find out, INDIA STURGIS plied drinks expert jilly goolden with everything from gluten- f ree, organic and dark l ager to Budvar, Heineken and Stella. Jilly insists, if you savour your amber nectar, you’ll find as many variations in taste and quality as you can in wine. But be warned: some of her verdicts are far from flattering.
THE MR NASTY
Stella Artois £5.25 for 6 X 284ml bottles, Tesco 30p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 4.8 per cent FROM: Belgium JILLY SAYS: Harsh, bitter and about as smooth as an emery board. There was an unappealing hint of vomit on the nose, then a suggestion of toilet cleaner in the mouth. It lists maize (corn) as an ingredient which does nothing f or f l avour. Extremely chilled this is just drinkable but, really, I wouldn’t finish the glass. GOOD FOR: Pouring down the toilet.
VERDICT: 3/10
BLAND BUT DRINKABLE
Heineken £4.71 for 4 X 330ml, Tesco 36p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 5 per cent FROM: Holland JILLY SAYS: Though clean and inoffensive this lager has had a personality bypass. As one of the best-known lagers worldwide, this bottle tasted smooth and drinkable — certainly a step up from Stella — but was ultimately benign and bland in flavour. GOOD FOR: Unimaginative globetrotters.
VERDICT: 4/10
DELICIOUS AND QUIRKY
Unfiltered Camden Hells lager £1.99, 330ml, Waitrose 60p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 4.6 per cent FROM: London JILLY SAYS: I like this for its quirkiness. It’s light- coloured but highly fragrant. It smells of asparagus soup and cloves — which sounds strange — but to drink it has a glorious, bright, hoppy freshness.
Usually sediment and some yeast is filtered out of lager after the fermentation process has finished, before bottling. In this case it’s unfiltered, which makes it yeasty, full of personality and delicious. GOOD FOR: Enjoying in a tall glass without food at the end of the day.
VERDICT: 8/10
ORGANIC TREAT
Samuel Smith Organic Lager, £2.99, 550ml, frazierswine.co.uk 54p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 5 per cent FROM: yorkshire JILLY SAYS: Made with organic malted barley and hops, medium-soft water and yeast in a small brewery i n Tadcaster, yorkshire, this is a lager for connoisseurs. The taste is tart, bitter and pure, but surprisingly smooth. I really enjoyed this and could drink two or three bottles in one sitting. GOOD FOR: The green brigade and those who hate a hangover, thanks to no chemicals being used.
VERDICT: 7.5/10
LIGHT AND GENTLE
San Miguel, £2, 660ml, Asda 30p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 5 per cent FROM: Although Spanish in origin, brewed in the Philippines and by Carlsberg in the UK JILLY SAYS: Golden in colour and extremely fizzy. It smells like an old brewery but tastes better. I detect herby flavours and tinges of lettuce and watercress. Far better than some ubiquitous supermarket brands and very moreish yet gentle on the palate. Good value, too. GOOD FOR: Ladies who lunch.
VERDICT: 6/10
GLUTEN-FREE
Celia Gluten-Free, £2.49 for 330ml, Ocado 75p per 100ml. ALCOHOL: 4.5 per cent. FROM: Czech Republic JILLY SAYS: This is charming! Made from sweet Moldavian malt and flavoured with bitter Saaz hops, it tastes like it should be good for you with no chemical undertones. It’s gentle, soft and summery with a deep sandy hue. Expensive, but worth it as a tipple on a balmy evening. GOOD FOR: A girly supper with grilled halloumi or fish, it would be overwhelmed by a red meat BBQ.
VERDICT: 7/10
NO ALCOHOL
Becks Alcohol Free, £3.75 for 6 X 275ml, Sainsbury’s 23p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 0 per cent FROM: Germany JILLY SAYS: I wish I could sing the praises of a nonalcoholic lager, but I’ve yet to taste a good one. They don’t exist. Alcohol adds body and gives lager a heart. This is gutless and bitter. It smells of frozen peas and faintly of urine. I wouldn’t buy it. GOOD FOR: Keeping you sober and ruining your palate.
VERDICT: 1/10
GOOD WITH CURRY
Cobra, £2, 500ml, Sainsbury’s 40p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 4.8 per cent FROM: UK JILLY SAYS: This has very little fizz and produces a damp, f l at head. But that’s the point. Fizzy l agers bloat you and assault your taste buds, so are never perfect with food. Soft, slightly sweet, flat and unaggressive, this is perfect with a curry. First imported, then brewed in the UK in the Nineties and became a f avourite i n Indian restaurants. It’s decent but not a glass to enjoy in its own right. GOOD FOR: A vindaloo
VERDICT: 5/10
BOOZY NIGHTCAP
Westmalle Trappist Tripel, £3.19, 330ml, Amazon 97p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 9.5 per cent FROM: Belgium JILLY SAYS: Phwoar. This is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It looks and smells like low-alcohol lager but is almost as boozy (and expensive) as wine and reminds me of a fruity trifle. It’s heavy, jammy and ends on a bitter, hoppy note. you could only stomach this i n small quantities. GOOD FOR: A winter nightcap, getting sloshed and upsetting your bank manager.
VERDICT: 6.5/10
THE DARK SIDE
Brewers Union, £2.90 for 500ml, thebeerboutique.co.uk 58p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 5 per cent FROM: Bavaria JILLY SAYS: Dark lager is no longer particularly fashionable. Before fermenting processes advanced to hone more delicate pale lagers, everyone drank the dark stuff. This has whiffs of Christmas pud and, while it began well, developed into fish and chips. Not refreshing, I didn’t enjoy this at all. GOOD FOR: Search me.
VERDICT: 2/10
ONE FOR THE LADS
Brooklyn Lager, £1.79, 330ml, Waitrose 54p per 100ml ALCOHOL: 5.2 per cent FROM: New york JILLY SAYS: A serious lager brewed from a pre-prohibition recipe. It’s malty, mealy and smells l i ke chicken feed. Probably not for summer as it sits heavily on the tongue, but appealing nonetheless, and a beautiful amber colour. GOOD FOR: Men who like drinking lager while watching rugby.
VERDICT: 6/10