JONATHAN CAINER

I felt slightly nervous when, some weeks ago, I asked for feedback about the end of Mercury’s retrograde phase. Shouldn’t an astrologer be making definitive statements, not looking for clues? But I have long felt that the textbooks don’t tally with what I’m observing. And I’m in a perfect place to cross- check some traditional ‘received wisdom’. tina Marie has written in to say she didn’t begin to get over last month’s retrograde phase till Saturday. And lawrence only got his car back from the garage this Monday! that’s longer than some astrologers might expect. I’m glad I asked.

ARIES SNOW is sitting on a

Mar 21 — Apr 20 ledge. Then comes a moment when a section breaks off. Only after this come the moments when the implications of the avalanche must be dealt with. But you are not getting caught up in some sudden chain of events that has begun elsewhere and is placing great demands upon you. Rather, you are reaching a decision to implement a change — after which, little will be quite the same again. You are powerful this weekend. That is why you can also be relaxed. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5601. TAURUS THE wipers on the

Apr 21 — May 21 bus may be going swish, swish, swish. The collector can happily call out ‘tickets please’ as often as he (or she) likes. Even the babies on the bus can mew and wail to their tiny heart’s content. But if, for any reason, the wheels on the bus are failing to go round and round, nobody is going to get anywhere. Priorities, this weekend, must be given to traction and torque. If you have the ability to move and a set of mechanisms by which to

implement steering decisions, all else is detail. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI WHILE your

May 22 — June 22 regular guardian angel takes a well-earned break, another esoteric entity has been sent to deputise. There is a new wing-beater on the block and they may need to be shown the ropes. But even if you feel as if you are being less closely guarded than usual, you may still benefit from the presence of this cosmic substitute. He, she or it may take one look at a problem the previous incumbent had been unable to solve for you, and see a new solution this weekend. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5603. CANCER ‘AND if they

June 23 — July 23 stare, just let them burn their eyes on you moving. And if they shout, don’t let it change a thing that you’re doing. Hold your head up, oh hold your head high’. So goes the old Argent rock anthem covered by Steppenwolf. Add it to the songs I have been quoting this week about assertiveness and confidence. Now, it is true that people who

are cocksure don’t always have anything substantial to offer the world. But what you have

this weekend is well worth making a fuss about. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5604. LEO ‘NO marigolds in the

July 24 — Aug 23 promised land / There’s a hole in the ground, Where they used to grow / Any man left on the Rio Grande / Is the king of the world / As far as I know.’ These lyrics, like all by the songwriting duo of Becker and Fagen, are wide open to interpretation. But your challenge this weekend is not to seek a medal for being the first person ever to fully understand a Steely Dan song. It is simply to see that a small, easily made, positive move will yet leave you feeling truly proud. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5605. VIRGO AROUND the same

Aug 24 — Sep 23 time that Mondrian was painting all his carefully coloured boxes each bordered by a black line, Monet was doing his best to dispense with lines entirely. He wanted to create a general impression and leave it to the viewer to infer the distinctions. We cannot say if one was too subtle, the other too sharp. But we can wonder, this weekend, whether your own desire for definition might be better tempered by a quest for a broader, if

vaguer, consensus on how a situation looks. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5606. LIBRA Sep 24 — Oct 23 THERE is a significant difference between inconsistency and hypocrisy. The Grand Old Duke of York, for example, had every right to march his men to the top of the hill and then down again. Accusations could only have been levelled at the hero of this old nursery rhyme had he previously been heard to announce, that ‘hills are on no account to be marched up by armies for no apparent purpose’. You are changing your mind about something this weekend. There is no shame in that. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5607. SCORPIO SHALL we have

Oct 24 — Nov 22 another forecast today in which I ramble on about comparatively irrelevant issues and attempt to draw you into a futile debate about some comparatively trivial tradition? Shall we both then get so caught up in unnecessary complication that we can neither of us remember what we were supposed to be discussing in the first place? Er... um... I’ve done it again, haven’t I? Do try not to follow my bad example this weekend — unless you feel that such a diversion might prove truly useful. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS WHEN

Nov 23 — Dec 21 people accuse one another of ignoring ‘the elephant in the room’, they are usually trying to imply that a blind eye is being turned to some vital factor that urgently requires an intelligent response. Some people seem to think that if they all tacitly agree to pay no attention to a problem, it will somehow vanish of its own accord. Better by far, this weekend, to hold an honest discussion about trunks, tusks and tails than to participate in a conspiracy of silence. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5609. CAPRICORN ONLY this

Dec 22 — Jan 20 time last week, I was not just encouraging you to have more fun but reminding you of your duty to enjoy life. Yet your forecast this week has largely taken the form of a discussion and a warning not to be overly receptive to those who might now be taking things a little too seriously. There is not much fun in that. But there may yet be some fun this weekend, in proving naysayers and doommongers wrong — as you now demonstrate the irrelevance of a mooted threat. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS IN Hamlet,

Jan 21 — Feb 19 Queen Gertrude says: ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’ Shakespeare aficionados may be aware of a delicious irony here. The character Gertrude accuses of ‘over egging the pudding’ is, in fact, a thinly veiled representation of herself — from which we can conclude the moral of your forecast, this weekend, is ‘it takes one to know one’. Keep that in mind as you become aware of an aspersion one person seems to be casting against another. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5611.

PISCES FROM where do we

Feb 20 — Mar 20 get the expression ‘cold feet’? Can this phrase really have entered the language simply because of the number of Pisceans who tend to first become aware of their own reticence owing to discomfort in their pedal extremities? And do cold feet rapidly warm up once we make a decision to hot-foot it from a situation we dislike? You may glean an insight into the answer this weekend when your own feet start leading, as if they had a mind of their own, towards a surprising destination. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Your latest week ahead forecast is ready. Call 0906 751 5612.