50 ways to avoid being common at Christmas

By our unashamedly waspish High Society insider NICKY HASLAM

CHRISTMAS is a time of parties and presents — and of unspeakably naff decorations and social faux pas. So we asked NICKY HASLAM, society’s pre-eminent observer of style, for his 50 tips on how to avoid the season’s pitfalls. Here, with tongue slightly in cheek, is Nicky’s list of what’s common — and what’s not — about Christmas.

1. Christmas trees should be decorated only on the day before Christmas Eve. having them winking away f or a month is f rightfully common. and decorations should be taken down pronto on twelfth Night.

2. AS FOR tree decorations, they are best if traditional. Even cotton wool on the tree is quite chic, and I love tinsel. But the fashion for putting things such as miniature blue-andwhite Chinese vase decorations and other non-Christmassy items is desperate over-styling. The prettiest tree baubles can be found in Moscow. That’s where I buy mine.

3. What is this fashion for taller and taller trees? soon they’ll need to have Kylie minogue on the top as the fairy. Over-elaborate trees are vulgar.

4. WhimsiCal cuteness at Christmas is common. the penguin-filled windows at John lewis and london department store Peter Jones, witty as they are, are a case in point.

5. COMEDY Christmas movies are ghastly; too long, ugly and noisy.

6. DittO Christmas music. all that terrible, happy-clappy stuff, and pop songs played in every shop by slade, roy Wood and the like are frightful. We don’t wish it could be Christmas every day!

7. lONDON’s Oxford street decorations — which inexplicably feature hollywood actor Ben stiller — are pathetic and naff this year. But Bond street’s fan-tail firebirds and regent street’s baroque wings are rather stylish.

8. CHRISTMAS themed clothes are simply too awful. The other day I saw a jumper with a pair of deer on, and written beneath them: ‘Hello deeries’. I mean, puhlease.

9. aND following on, fancy dress parties are common.

10. rEmEmBEr t hat l unch on Christmas Day i s always called dinner (though, on any other day, describing lunch as dinner would be terribly common).

11. AND brandy butter is naff. Christmas pudding should be accompanied by proper custard — preferably Bird’s — but not creme anglaise, which is Froggy, foreign and therefore inappropriate.

12. sEasONal cards with loose glitter inside are common, let alone annoying. Better hope you’re given a Dyson...

13. aNythiNg to do with hearts and love on cards or decorations is just ghastly. it’s not Valentine’s Day, for heaven’s sake. romantic love at Christmas is common.

14. GIVE presents on Christmas Eve like the royals and continentals do — it’s much smarter. One reason being that everything and everyone looks nicer after dark, so open your presents by candle and firelight.

15. Christmas Day should be church, a walk, early dinner and watching the Queen’s speech at 3pm.

16. gOiNg away for Christmas or New year is common, especially to a beach. it used to be considered really naff not to stay i n your hometown. New year’s Eve party hosts can’t scrape together great guests any more.

17. ORGANISED fun at Christmas is common. Spontaneity is the key.

18. CraCKErs are fine to look at — but pulling them is common. they make such a mess, and it frightens the reindeer!

1 9. rED poinsettias are s ad unless you have a great bank of

them. Pink and white are bearable, even singly.

20. PEOPLE think goose is the ‘different’, smart thing to eat. It’s not. a) it’s disgusting, b) it’s impossible to carve, and c) it’s common. Turkey is the only thing to eat — and it makes the best leftovers.

21. Wreaths... we seem to have fallen in love with them. they can look pretty, but it’s very low-brow to call them wreaths — they are Christmas garlands. they’re one of the better ideas from ‘across the pond’. (saying ‘across the pond’ is common, by the way).

22. Oysters, f oie gras, caviar, truffles and showy things of any kind at Christmas dinner are common, too.

23. VINTAGE or expensive wines are naff. Stick to ordinary house claret.

24. DOn’t crowd the dinner table. side plates are common, as are rows of glasses. Changing wine glasses for the second bottle is cringingly common. Fairy l i ghts on tables are ghastly, but tea lights and candles are perfect.

25. Family photographs on Christmas cards have become commonplace, so leave them to the politicians. although i can see a case for pictures of children, so that friends who

don’t see them from one year to t he next c an monitor t heir growing-up.

26. HANGING cards on strings out of reach is common. The whole point is to see if they’re from anybody famous. Put them loose in a big basket with those from the stars on top.

27. taking wine to a party is common — such a bore for your host to feel constrained to open it — and never bring champagne. Unless it’s a case. take chocolates or mince pies: you’re meant to eat 12 mince pies before new year.

28. thank-yOUs for presents by email are simply not good enough. i t must be a proper l etter, especially from children. Force

them to write — and not thanking is unforgivably common.

29. ELECTRONIC games and gadgets as presents are common. A big bottle of Coup de Fouet by Caron, the fragrance launched in 1954, in its beautiful square flacon is the height of stylish giving.

30. CarOls. O little town Of Bethlehem and away in a manger are perfect. and the fun of the oh oh ohs in We three kings. Ding Dong merrily On high is common.

31. FOrCeD spring bulbs, such as paper whites or hyacinths in bowls or baskets, are divine. remember to congratulate the third undergardener on his green thumb.

32. BUYING special labels for presents is common. They should be cut from last year’s Christmas cards. Very thrifty and fun to do.

33. PUtting a pound coin or even 5p coins instead of an old silver sixpence in the Christmas pudding is common. you can get sixpences — and all the other traditional silver charms — on eBay.

34. eBay is nOt common.

35. PILLOW cases instead of stockings are common. A football sock, or a shooting sock, is quite big enough.

36. PUtting i ndecipherable Christian names only on cards is naff and annoying. One wants to know whom they’re from. Usually.

37. gOing to a restaurant on Christmas Day is a sad cop-out ... and clearly common.

38. TAKING your office staff bowling for a Christmas treat is horribly trendy. And there’s no chance to snog in the stationery cupboard.

39. a hUge bunch of mistletoe hanging in the hall, and traditional fir, holly and ivy garlands are wonderful. mixing them with roses, orchids, or worse, lilies, is irredeemably naf f . lilies shouldn’t be in the house any way — they’re ghastly and common.

40. mUlleD wine is common, especially the ready-made bottles. Drinking neat champagne at Christmas is banal, but black velvet (guinness and champagne) is perfect. Ditto brandy cocktails like sidecars. (three parts brandy, two parts Cointreau, one part lemon juice, shake and strain.)

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44. NOT having your housekeeper, nanny or au pair eating Christmas dinner with you is common. Every member of the household should be sitting around the table — including the footmen.

45. hOlDing a shoot on Christmas Day is common. shooting is pretty common anyway.

46. Wearing red corduroy trousers on any day is common enough, but on Christmas Day it’s beyond the pale.

47. GIRLS, usually drunk ones, in reindeer antler headbands and men wearing Santa caps in pubs for weeks on end are grim.

48. saying ‘happy’ rather than ‘merry’ Christmas is tacky (it’s happy new year). it’s even worse to say ‘new year’s’ rather than ‘new year’.

49. Wearing ties to parties is stiff and common. men hate dressing up, but i love those austrian loden jackets, which are so Christmassy. When it’s over, play auld lang syne loudly and often to get guests to go.

50. A LAST word: Christmas itself is absolutely NOT common, but, my God, these days people find enough ways of making it so!