AN INSPECTOR CALLS

His mission: To test hotel hospitality to the limit

THERE’S a full circle scenario going on here. Many years ago, Nicholas Dickinson sold his Luxury Family Hotels group to Von Essen, of which Congham Hall hotel, near King’s Lynn (not far from Sandringham), was a part. Then, two years ago, Von Essen went bust and Dickinson headed a team of investors to buy the hotel back from Von Essen’s receivers.

That wasn’t all. The team went on to double the number of rooms and added a new spa (including indoor pool) and dining room.

We opt for a room in the main house, reached via a narrow, airless, fusty corridor that becomes more and more dreary the longer it goes on.

There are windows half-way along this passage, hidden behind net curtains. But no light seems to come through. We take a peep — and discover that the windows are all bricked up.

Our room is spacious with two large sash windows and a proper antique chest of drawers. Best bit is the huge, comfy bed with no shortage of pillows.

This is old-fashioned country house hotel territory. The bathroom is up a few stairs (handrail provided) and it’s some time since we’ve come across a shower curtain.

Downstairs is more contemporary, more airy. The new dining room feels like a conservatory, with lots of space and floor to ceiling doors leading into the garden.

The garden is a big deal here, especially the area given over to herbs — more than 400 varieties, including 50 types of mint.

We’re on a dinner, bed and breakfast rate of £199 for two people. That’s good value. Staff are attentive and, astonishingly, all seem to be British. We get the impression locals enjoy working at Congham Hall.

While we peruse the menu, a waitress leaves an iPad on the table, which, she explains, is the wine list. I pick it up and start flicking through the electronic pages, but find the whole process unbearable.

‘I’m so sorry, but I spend almost every moment of every day staring at a screen and would love not to do so on a Friday evening. Do you have a printed version?’ I ask. ‘We don’t I’m afraid,’ she says. No iPads or tablets are deployed at breakfast. Instead, there are lots of newspapers, a buffet and a proper a la carte menu.

My wife thinks electronic menus will be perfectly normal in a few years. I hope she’s wrong. They certainly don’t belong at Congham Hall.

Congham Hall Grimston, King’s Lynn Norfolk PE32 1AH 01485 600250; conghamhallhotel.co.uk

Doubles from £125 B&B