JONATHAN CAINER

EVERY forecast today quotes from Auld Lang Syne. I have taken some of the lines straight from the very oldest songbooks. I hope you don’t find them too hard to read. I must also apologise profusely to the lovely people who translate my forecasts into Span

ARIES

Mar 21 — Apr 20

‘SHOULD auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?’ At midnight around the world millions will sing these words echoing a sentiment first phrased by the Scottish poet Rab Burns. It is a rhetorical question. For many, these days, New Year is a time to make a symbolic gesture of disconnection to the past. But should you really move on and forget that yesterday ever happened? Or should you resolve to accept and forgive history as you now embrace the future. Don’t give up, ring me up! ‘Tis the season to be cheered up by your latest weekahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5601.

TAURUS

Apr 21 — May 21

‘WE’LL take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.’ Some commentators suggest that this line in the traditional song by Rab Burns refers to alcohol. The implication, presumably, is that when intoxicated, people are more likely to feel generously disposed towards one another. Yet there are some who say that this interpretation does a disservice to an old idiom. ‘A cup of kindness’ simply means a gesture of goodwill. Tonight brings your chance to make one of these and to find it well received. Overcome your worries. I’ll shed light on all the seasonal shadows in your latest week-ahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI

May 22 — June 22

‘AND surely you’ll be your pint stoup and surely I’ll be mine...’ Though most folk will sing Auld Lang Syne at midnight tonight, few know anything but the first verse, and some might not even be aware of the lyrics quoted here. Perhaps in the interest of moderate consumption this is just as well. For a traditional Scottish pint is over three times bigger than an English one. Yet in your world now things other than beer are best served in generous measures. Make free with the hope and the optimism. I’ll say more about how to make sense of seasonal silliness in your latest week-ahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5603.

CANCER

June 23 — July 23

‘WE TWA hae run about the braes, and pou’d the gowans fine; But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit, sin’ auld lang syne.’ Here in the original Scottish are lesser-known lines from the song that will be sung around the world tonight, to usher in the New Year. Roughly translated; we shouldn’t forget how good the good old days were, even though many days have gone by since then that haven’t been quite so good! Nor should you feel today that the best of your life is behind you. As you will soon see, it is yet to come. Find out how to use your power between now and the New Year in your latest weekahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5604.

LEO

July 24 — Aug 23

WHAT exactly is ‘a cup of kindness’? Was the great Scottish poet, Rab Burns, really referring to something as base and commonplace as alcohol when he composed the New Year anthem that the world will sing tonight? Is the elusive goal of world peace just a wee dram away from us all? Whatever the bard may have meant, we should take him literally tonight. Even a small drop of kindness may yet be sufficient to purify and cleanse an entire stagnant lake of unnecessary resentment or hostility. Some positive choices will soon reduce festive pressure. I’ll say more in your latest week-ahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5605.

VIRGO

Aug 24 — Sep 23

HISTORY tells us the phrase Auld Lang Syne first appeared in a poem by Sir Robert Aytoun, also Scottish but who lived earlier than Rab Burns. But then Burns didn’t claim authorship. He said he was taught it by an elderly gentleman. It would seem the good old days, go back even further than the good old days themselves! It might make us stop to wonder for how many centuries people have been making and breaking resolutions at this time of year. But you can keep the one you make tonight. You’re doing better than you think. Do yourself a festive favour. Call me for your latest weekahead forecast: 0906 751 5606.

LIBRA

Sep 24 — Oct 23

IN DEFERENCE to Rab Burns perhaps we should consider the rhetorical question in the traditional New Year anthem: should auld acquaintance really be forgot? Are there not many memories lurking and even littering the corridors of our minds? Must they all be treasured? Wouldn’t we be better off just to consign them to history and forget them? If there is something in your past you really would like to become a part of your future, now is a good time to seize on it and safeguard it. Don’t give up, ring me up! ‘Tis the season to be cheered up by your latest week-ahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5607.

SCORPIO

Oct 24 — Nov 22

SHOULD ‘auld acquaintance be forgot?’ Text ‘yes’ to 12345, if you agree. If you think they should not be forgotten, don’t forget them! Few know why we sing this song at this time of year. Even fewer know what it means. And hardly any of us know more than the first few words. But we all know that, whether or not we sing it, we are all going together on a oneway journey today. We are hurtling out of 2014 and bursting through the invisible barrier of 2015. If you don’t want it to be too wild a ride, try not to think too much. Overcome your worries. I’ll shed light on all the seasonal shadows in your latest week-ahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov 23 — Dec 21

‘WE TWA hae paidl’d in the burn, frae morning sun till dine; But seas between us braid hae roar’d sin’ auld lang syne.’ Here is one of those verses in the New Year anthem only the most dedicated Scots ever sing. It has something to do with getting your feet wet. And here you are about to dip a tentative toe into the rushing river that is due to be 2015. Clutch your resolution tightly, hold it high with pride but remember you will have to take next year, just as any other, one day at a time. I’ll say more about how to make sense of seasonal silliness in your latest week-ahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5609.

CAPRICORN

Dec 22 — Jan 20

WILL the last person to leave 2014 please turn out the lights? Some, it would seem, are demob happy. Their hearts and minds are already ensconced in 2015, even if they still have to take their bodies through the largely symbolic process of crossing the threshold. But just before old acquaintances are forgot — or not forgot — as the case may be, there is one last wrong that you surely ought to try to right before you strive forward with everyone else to the next page of the great book of living history. Find out how to use your power between now and the New Year in your latest week-ahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS

Jan 21 — Feb 19

‘SHOULD auld acquaintance be forgot?’ This is beginning to be a vexing question. We have been wrestling with it in your forecast for several days and still don’t seem closer to an answer. So why don’t you seek the advice of some of the other people you know? Ask them at midnight tonight! But don’t be too surprised if they just fire the same line of inquiry right back at you. 2014, for you it seems, is ending with too many questions still unanswered. But that may yet change. Some positive choices will soon reduce festive pressure. I’ll say more in your latest weekahead forecast. Call 0906 751 5611.

PISCES

Feb 20 — Mar 20

‘AND there’s a hand, my trusty fiere! And gie’s a hand o’ thine! And we’ll tak’ a right gudewillie waught, for auld lang syne.’ How odd that millions sing this once a year, yet few have ever heard, far less attempted to recite, this verse. What does it mean? What does the whole song mean? It means ‘maybe it would be better if we all forgot the past and maybe we ought to remember it. That’s a tough question. Let’s have a drink while we think about it.’ Your most pressing question today, is best answered sober. You’re doing better than you think. Do yourself a festive favour. Call me for your latest weekahead forecast: 0906 751 5612.