Ephraim Hardcastle

WhOEVER wins the keys to Downing street next month will be faced with a Royal headache: how to mark the Queen’s 90th birthday in 2016. her Majesty, 89 today, would prefer some form of official ceremony in 2017 to celebrate the 65th anniversary of her reign. David Cameron or Ed Miliband might prefer to wait for the more significant milestone of 2022 marking her 70th year on the throne. says a Royal source: ‘her Majesty has her eye on the 65th anniversary as in 2022 Prince Philip will be 101.’ WITH the SNP expecting its greatest electoral success come May 7, wouldn’t it be fitting if celebrity supporter Sir Sean Connery made an appearance between now and polling day? Residing in the Bahamas, Connery, 84, pictured, urged his fellow Scots to vote for independence last year – but never set foot on home soil to support the campaign. At the time, his brother Neil, 76, confirmed the former 007 would be staying away, explaining: ‘There’s only a certain amount of days Sean can be in the country for tax reasons.’ TAKiNG to Twitter, David Cameron opines that the sNP will hold Labour to ransom after May 7 and the answer is – surprise, surprise – to vote Tory. scottish Labour leader Jim Murphy unleashed an immediate broadside. ‘You have demeaned the Office of Prime Minister of the United Kingdom to become a desperate cheerleader for the sNP.’ scots Tory leader Ruth Davidson took the heat out of the burgeoning spat by gently asking Murphy: ‘You OK, hun?’ Breath of fresh air, that Ruth! JOSEPH Collins, the late theatrical agent father of saucy writer Jackie, 77, pictured, never ap p r ove d of his daughter’s racy prose. She says: ‘He thought my books we r e absolutely filthy... but I remember discovering that he had a copy of the famously controversial Lady Chatterley’s Lover in a paper wrapper next to his bed.’ JON Culshaw sees no impediment to impersonating sky presenter Eamonn holmes on his new iTV satirical puppet show Newzoids saying: ‘i might well do him. if we need someone to tee off a bit of topical news, we might well do.’ Last time Culshaw mimicked holmes the presenter complained and the BBC apologised. But then he had the wellnourished Eamonn eating a studio sofa followed by pint-sized jockey Frankie Dettori. And the catchphrase he used? ‘i was fierce hungry, so i was.’ ASTON Villa supporter David Cameron announces on Twitter: ‘Congratulations on reaching the FA Cup final. A tremendous achievement.’ The claret and blue army, also supported by Prince William, has had little to cheer about in recent years – winning its last major domestic trophy, the League Cup, back in 1996. An attempt to persuade his son Arthur to support the West Midlands club also proved ill fated when in 2011 the youngster, then six, decided he’d rather support Chelsea. The following year – as if to rub it in – Chelsea thrashed Aston Villa 8-0.