Ephraim Hardcastle

MILITARY types are concerned that the Royal Family’s traditional involvement with our Army, Navy and Air Force is in decline. Some say things might improve if the Duchess of Cambridge agrees to succeed 94-year-old Prince Philip as Colonel of the Grenadier Guards. But will she agree? Neither is it clear if she (and William) will allow Prince George to have a military career. My source says: ‘If Kate does agree to become Colonel of the Grenadiers, she’d be following in the footsteps of the 16-year-old Princess Elizabeth. They’d be prepared to forgo her wearing a military uniform.’ LABOUR bruiser John Prescott mocks Chuka Umunna’s decision to drop out of the Labour leadership race because of the ‘added level of scrutiny’. He roars on the BBC’s Daily Politics: ‘For God’s sake, what was he doing these last few years?’ Host Andrew Neil reminded ‘Prezza’ that Chuka had paraded a not-seen-previously lawyer girlfriend, Alice Sullivan. Prescott: ‘Well, we’ll not go into that.’ What can he mean? COLLEAGUES suggest Nicola Sturgeon’s muchpublicised US trip has left predecessor Alex Salmond ‘tartan with envy’. Perky Ms Sturgeon, pictured, was a hoot on Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show and dined with Aberfeldy-born Hollywood star Alan Cumming. My source adds: ‘No-one noticed Alex’s five-day trip to the US last year.’ COLUMNIST Jenni Russell mocks David Miliband after his latest public assessment of brother Ed’s election disaster. Dismissing claims Labour would have fared better under David’s leadership as ‘ f antasy’, she describes him as ‘complacent, cold and dismissive’. How would she know? Well, Ed Miliband is a godfather to one of her two children. FIFTY Shades of Grey author E L James’s decision to re-write the story from the perspective of the masochistic male character Christian Grey reminds me of the late comic Peter Cook’s idea for a 1978 film remake of the Sherlock Holmes story, The Hound of the Baskervilles. ‘We are doing it from the hound’s point of view,’ he announced. NEW York gossips say movie and TV star Dominic West (The Affair; The Wire) was spotted perched outside a Brooklyn laundromat, talking to an attractive young woman who appeared to be smoking a pipe of some kind. Asked what he was doing there, West replied: ‘My laundry.’ He’s making a film, Money Monster, locally, while reposing in Airbnb digs. FRIENDS at Jeremy Lloyd’s memorial service heard an anecdote involving his pal, Lance Percival, who died earlier this year. The latter was concerned that a young beauty he was dating might be a man. Lloyd said: ‘Bring her round.’ If he felt he/she was a man, he’d bring ‘Manchester United’ into the conversation. When Percival and companion arrived, Lloyd bellowed ‘Manchester United!’, slamming the door on them. Incidentally, a woman friend of Lloyd queries my description of him as bisexual, adding: ‘He was woman-mad, like a dog on heat.’