Ephraim Hardcastle

ASPIRANT Labour leader Andy Burnham says: ‘this is a party crying out for leadership.’ Isn’t this rather insulting to acting leader Harriet Harman? Who, my Westminster source says, frightens intelligent tories ‘who dream of facing flip-flopping trades union stooge Burnham as Labour leader’.

MIGHT Prince William and Kate lend their patronage to the elite, money-spinning world of ocean racing? The Cambridges visit Portsmouth at the weekend to watch America’s Cup sailing. Last time they took part in an ocean race – in New Zealand last year – a boat captained by Kate (pictured at the event) beat William’s vessel twice. Naturally, yacht clubs are desperate to winch the photogenic duchess aboard as their patron. My source says: ‘Prince George and Princess Charlotte’s water wings are on order.’

TV presenter Alan titchmarsh, 66, tells Woman magazine: ‘Once a month I ring the bells for the morning service at my local church (All saints, Ilkley, Yorkshire). It always surprises the bride and groom when they see me on the end of a rope!’ Delights them, too, surely?

EDUCATION Secretary Nicky Morgan dislikes people referring to her as a ‘girl’. (Quite right too.) Letters from her fans (?) requesting a signed photograph are routed to the Department for Education, which provides glowing testaments to their minister’s achievements but no snaps. Happily the real Tory ice queen – Home Secretary Theresa May – is more ‘userfriendly’. She’ll dish out signed photos. ‘Smiley ones, too!’ I am told (see picture) by a besotted fan.

LABOUR MP David Lammy, aspiring to be the party’s London mayoral candidate, announces: ‘When I was growing up my mum relied on tax credits ... in opposing the Welfare Bill I voted for millions of people who do the same.’ How fascinating. tax credits were introduced in 2003 – 31 years after Lammy’s birth. Were the Lammys at the head of the tax credits queue? Or, has David – not the sharpest knife in the box – boobed again? In 2008, asked on TV’s Mastermind who succeeded Henry VIII, he responded: ‘Henry VII.’ Memo to myself: mustn’t keep reminding you of David’s ‘Lammymentable’ Mastermind slip.

SAGACIOUS advice from still-gorgeous, if non-cerebral, Bo Derek, 58 – famous for her sex comedy, 10, with the late Dudley Moore – which might be addressed to young actresses who turn down parts, imagining they’re beneath them: ‘I turned down a lot more money than I ever made.’