JONATHAN CAINER
DEAR Jonathan, Perhaps those people who thought it appropriate to reclassify Pluto as a dwarf planet also think dwarfs are less important than the rest of the human race? Mike Hi Jonathan, It seems the once-downgraded Pluto is now back in the limelight. How does this event affect the characteristics of Scorpios? Trevor Dear Mike and Trevor, I don’t think we’ve heard the end of the debate about whether Pluto deserves to be re-reclassified. And we’ve only just heard the start of a discussion about what that heart on Pluto’s surface may signify to Scorpios.
ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 ANNOUNCEMENT: at the end of the next sentence is a surprise. Now, here we are in the middle of that very sentence, yet is there a surprise at the end of it? That question has answered itself. The question mark denoted the end of the sentence. The only surprise it contained was the lack of a surprise. Yet how can anyone expect to surprise anyone else if they first trumpet their intention from the rooftops? Don’t waste a great potential tactical advantage today. Do you really need to be worried about the future? Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to a happier life. Call 0906 751 5601.
TAURUS Apr 21 — May 21 EDWARDIAN author H. G. Wells came up with the first idea for a time travel device. Since his day, an entire genre of science fiction has burgeoned. There are now time-travelling spaceships, police boxes and wristbands — at least in the realm of fantasy. In reality? Well, we are seemingly no closer than ever we were. But perhaps that is because we have always had this ability, albeit that we haven’t properly understood it. The key to it is psychological, not physical. You have that key today. Your lightshedding, hope-giving, heart-warming, worry-quashing, four-minute forecast is ready. Don’t miss it! Call 0906 751 5602.
GEMINI May 22 — June 22 MOST fairly clever people like to think if they just apply enough intelligence to a problem, they’ll eventually make sense of it. Geminis, thankfully, do not tend to be ‘fairly clever’, they’re ‘exceedingly clever’ and smart enough to know some questions can never be answered. Better to accept as much than to squander a lifetime pursuing a paradox. Today you are dealing with an issue so emotive that it might never lend itself to logic. Accept that and you can yet make a wise choice. The future is waiting for you. When you get there you are going to love it. Be inspired. Call your latest forecast: 0906 751 5603.
CANCER June 23 — July 23 WHO was it who said that ‘the definition of insanity is repeating the same mistakes over and over while hoping for a different result’? It wasn’t Einstein, so it may not be as clever as some folk think. Benjamin Franklin didn’t say it, so it may not be as candid, either. And as Mark Twain didn’t say it either, it may not be particularly witty! So, the only remaining justification for it appearing in your forecast today is the possibility that it may be the perfect advice you need to hear. But that’s not what you
are doing, is it? Need to change your life? One call costs less than coffee and cake, but it will make you feel better. Call 0906 751 5604.
LEO July 24 — Aug 23 ARE we in charge of our destiny? Or is it in charge of us? Answers on a postcard please, as they used to say. Today, such questions are more likely to be followed by an invitation to text or tweet. The technology has moved on, but this particular dilemma, at least, is no closer to resolution. Free will is more fashionable these days. But popularity alone doesn’t prove authenticity. Whatever you believe, show some respect to the idea that the universe has the power to help you. Do you really need to be worried about the future? Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to a happier life. Call 0906 751 5605.
VIRGO Aug 24 — Sep 23 PEOPLE can be so annoying, situations so irritating and problems so aggravating. Efforts to fix whatever’s unsatisfactory can be so exasperating. But you’re also aware that we gain very little when we allow ourselves to indulge a sense of frustration. Sooner or later, we have to overcome it. We must rise above whatever is threatening to drag us down and pursue some source of inspiration, if only for the sake of our sanity. You may yet find that life brings great hope and healing today. Your light-shedding, hope-giving, heart-warming, worryquashing, four-minute forecast is ready. Don’t miss it! Call 0906 751 5606.
LIBRA Sep 24 — Oct 23 WE ASKED, yesterday, why people need others to play out particular roles? Why can’t we all just take responsibility for ourselves? Can’t we be our own bosses, set our own schedules? Indeed, at the risk of undermining my own role, can’t we see our own futures? Maybe in the answer is the explanation you need to make a key personal breakthrough. Whenever we try to take on too much, no matter how noble or sincere our motives, we risk losing precious perspective. Value that. The future is waiting for you. When you get there you are going to love it. Be inspired. Call your latest forecast: 0906 751 5607.
SCORPIO its Oct 24 — Nov 22 IF PLUTO wears heart on its sleeve, what does that tell us about those whose lives are governed by it? Pluto is the ruler of Scorpio. So do you also wear your heart on your sleeve? What about all those textbooks that have insisted for so long that Scorpio is a secretive sign? Are they wrong? Perhaps, instead of secretive, they should have said ‘distant and seemingly difficult to reach, but perfectly open and honest once the connection is made’. In a similar way, you’re now repairing your own reputation. Need to change your life? One call costs less than coffee and cake, but it will make you feel better. Call 0906 751 5608.
SAGITTARIUS Nov 23 — Dec 21 LION-TAMERS with experience are few and far between as their skills are in less demand. Animal rights campaigners have moved us all on from the shameful past when such brave beasts were kept in cages to amuse circus audience. But if, for some reason, a lion were let loose near you one day, would you not be reassured to know you’d been taught the art of controlling such creatures? You’re now acquiring a skill that may yet prove priceless. Do you really need to be worried about the future? Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to a happier life. Call 0906 751 5609.
CAPRICORN Dec 22 — Jan 20 IN THE old days, every city centre seemed to contain at least one eccentric gentleman who carried a placard. It would say something like: ‘The end of the world is nigh!’ And, given half a chance, he’d be only too pleased to go into detail. These days, such characters have left the High Street and moved to cyberspace. Do we miss them? Why should we? Can’t we all replicate that voice of doom and gloom? Don’t we find it all too easy to expect the worst? All such fear is unfounded. Your lightshedding, hope-giving, heart-warming, worry-quashing, four-minute forecast is ready. Don’t miss it! Call 0906 751 5610.
AQUARIUS Jan 21 — Feb 19 SHOULD you be preparing for a grim experience, dire encounter or uncomfortable trial? You shouldn’t, but it’s interesting that when I say this, you begin to wonder whether perhaps it might be true. That tells us something about your own sense of exposure. You feel vulnerable and suspect you may have done something that deserves punishment from a disapproving cosmos. Shake off such unjustified apprehension.
There’s no reason to worry today. The future is waiting for you. When you get there you are going to love it. Be inspired. Call your latest forecast: 0906 751 5611.
PISCES Feb 20 — Mar 20 SHOULD we uphold the letter or the spirit of the law? The answer to that kind of question often depends, to some extent, on whom you happen to be asking. Of course, there are situations that demand intense attention to detail; one wrong move, or false step, could contravene a crucial code and unleash an avalanche of unpleasant consequences. But that is surely not what you’re up against now. If your heart is telling you that something is roughly right, that is more than good enough. Need to change your life? One call costs less than coffee and cake, but it will make you feel better. Call 0906 751 5612.