JONATHAN CAINER
More, today, on those close-ups from Pluto. My colleague, Kathryn Cassidy suggests that because Pluto is getting more attention, more Scorpios may follow suit and be seen in a new light. Watch, she says, for Scorpios showing us that their hearts are as bi
ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 MOST humans are just as intelligent, alert and astute as most other humans. An alien watching us from space would be amazed by the effort we go to to compete intellectually over such minor differences. But then, most of the factors that distinguish our characters are probably just as trivial when viewed in that light. What matters in your life is not how far apart you are from someone else’s position, but how much you both have in common. That’s today’s key to mutual success. Your light-shedding, hope-giving, heart-warming, worry-quashing, four-minute forecast is ready. Don’t miss it! Call 0906 751 5601.
TAURUS Apr 21 — May 21 WELL-BEING? Some say it is all in the mind. Experts attribute a lot of conditions and states to psychological factors. Now, there are no experts in time travel because most people don’t believe in it. But if there were experts, they might say: ‘Ah, yes, that, too, is all in the mind.’ Which makes sense when you think about it. That’s where our memories are. And our visions of the future. In your own head you’ve got the closest thing anyone can get to a time machine.
Use it to take you to a better tomorrow. The future is waiting for you. When you get there you are going to love it. Be inspired. Call your latest forecast: 0906 751 5602.
GEMINI May 22 — June 22 ‘FEELINGS,’ so some home-spun philosophers say, ‘are beyond all understanding. They aren’t logical. We waste our time if we try to make sense of raw, intense, intuitive emotions.’ But isn’t that just the kind of claptrap one might expect a rationalist person to spout? There are many who might disagree, and I don’t just mean the folk who happily let their hearts rule their heads. Many a psychologist would also insist that what we feel can always be understood. Prepare to attain a precious insight today. Need to change your life? One call costs less than coffee and cake but it will make you feel better. Call 0906 751 5603.
CANCER June 23 — July 23 IF, as some folk very volubly insist, ‘the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over again, while expecting a different result,’ then what, pray tell, is the definition of sanity? How strange that no such catchy phrase about that has made its way into the language. And how telling, too. Perhaps the real definition of insanity is the belief that it can
be defined in such a short and simplistic way! There is nothing crazy about what you are doing.
Nor are you just echoing an old error. Do you really need to be worried about the future? Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to a happier life. Call 0906 751 5604.
LEO July 24— Aug 23 IF EVERYTHING is predestined, why don’t we all just give up? I may be an astrologer but I don’t insist that everything is written in the stars. Or, if it is, it is written in pencil. Each of us has the equivalent of an eraser in one hand and a pen in the other. We don’t have to go along with the guidelines the planets may be offering us. If we can’t reject and redraw these, what is the point of consulting an astrologer? Nothing is set in stone. More than ever before, you have the power to choose your own future. Your light-shedding, hope-giving, heart-warming, worry-quashing, four-minute forecast is ready. Don’t miss it! Call 0906 751 5605. VIRGO Aug 24 — Sep 23 ELVES, faeries, imps, pixies. Does anyone still believe in them? Hasn’t science stamped them out? And if they did exist, wouldn’t governments tax them? Isn’t the state in such need of funding that even a few extra toadstools and spidery veils would be welcome? But if the politicians truly had faith in the wee folk, they wouldn’t just make their lives a misery in the same way as they tax the rest of us, they would ask to have wishes granted! You might ask the same thing for yourself today. You never know who’s listening. The future is waiting for you. When you get there you are going to love it. Be inspired. Call your latest forecast: 0906 751 5606.
LIBRA Sep 24— Oct 23 NOBODY else can see the world through the same pair of eyes that you do. Nobody else hears quite what you hear, feels quite what you feel, thinks quite what you think. Now there are, of course, some folk who seemingly share a similar perspective. But as experience has taught us many times, such assumptions of commonality can be deceptive. Even likeminded people don’t have minds so alike to our own that they share our every sympathy. Don’t take someone else’s agreement for granted today. Need to change your life? One call costs less than coffee and cake but it will make you feel better. Call 0906 751 5607.
SCORPIO Oct 24 — Nov 22 THERE are some who, upon close study of those images from the New Horizons space probe, have come to a conclusion about the giant heart shape on the face of Pluto. ‘It is,’ they say, ‘incomplete. It looks rather more as if it is a broken heart.’ If so, how does that make it an apt symbol for Scorpio? After all, there is surely no such thing anywhere in this world as a heart that has never been broken. But yours is the sign that is blessed with the ability to heal such a condition. And that’s what you are doing today. Do you really need to be worried about the future? Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to a happier life. Call 0906 751 5608.
SAGITTARIUS Nov 23— Dec 21 WHEN did you learn to be so brave? You have much more courage than many of your contemporaries. You may not have nerves of steel, but you certainly have resourcefulness. You can cope with pressures that might set many another sturdy soul quaking. Events are strengthening your resolve, vindicating your faith and inviting you to take one more bold step towards the kind of destiny some might find unnerving. This is no time to doubt yourself. Smile and walk on. Your lightshedding, hope-giving, heart-warming, worry-quashing, four-minute forecast is ready. Don’t miss it! Call 0906 751 5609.
CAPRICORN Dec 22 — Jan 20 SERIOUS pessimists are sometimes referred to as ‘merchants of doom’. Yet are they merchants? It is not as if they profit from reminding the rest of us that things can go wrong. Well, not unless they are contract lawyers or insurance salespeople. Those apart, few promote a grim view of the future for financial gain. And for most with a miserable message, it is reward enough just to see people’s smiles turn to frowns. Has someone been whispering words of woe in your ear lately? Ignore them! The future is waiting for you. When you get there you are going to love it. Be inspired. Call your latest forecast: 0906 751 5610.
AQUARIUS Jan 21— Feb 19 I MUST begin with an apology. Recently, I quoted the Biblical phrase, ‘In the beginning was the Word.’ I attributed this to the Book of Genesis. Several readers pointed out that it actually appears in the Book of St John. One even said that if I couldn’t be trusted to get such details right, perhaps my forecasts were unreliable too. But in a way, that only goes to underline the point. Even the Bible disagrees with itself about how the world began. Don’t be overly sure that you know how anything started! Need to change your life? One call costs less than coffee and cake but it will make you feel better. Call 0906 751 5611.
PISCES Feb 20 — Mar 20 IN YOUR week ahead, I advised you to stick with your own principles. Then on Monday I suggested that it might be wise to honour someone else’s view and take a leaf out of their book. Happily, most Pisceans are used to dealing with apparent contradictions. And, actually, for those with an appreciation of subtle distinctions, there is no great conflict here. If you consciously elect to emulate another’s example, then their way becomes your way! Be brave enough now to make such a gesture of respect. Do you really need to be worried about the future? Give me four minutes and I’ll give you the key to a happier life. Call 0906 751 5612.