Mummy, how do you pronounce Batmanghelidjh?
ARE we there yet? How many times has that question been asked this summer holiday season? And that’s not the only thing children ask on long journeys. Parents report that their kids become increasingly curious when they’re in the back of the car on the way to the seaside.
‘What happens when you die?’ and ‘Why is the sky blue?’ are just a couple of the innocent questions which leave mums and dads stumped for an answer.
Half of all parents admit they’re not always able to give a convincing explanation when their children inquire about life’s mysteries. Breakfast TV presenter Kate Garraway told researchers for a literacy survey that her six-year- old asked: ‘Why do girls’ toilets have a picture of a person with a skirt on?’
A few years ago, the answer would have been obvious. But with the increasing shift towards transgender toilet f acilities, nothing’s that simple any more. Just how do you explain the modern world to your kids?
Mummy?
Yes darling, what is it?
Why do the police spend so much time investigating dead people for crimes allegedly committed 50 years ago?
Er, dunno.
And why won’t they investigate burglaries which happen now?
Dunno.
Why won’t they rescue people who fall into ponds?
Dunno.
Is red meat good for you or bad for you this week?
Dunno.
If e- cigarettes help people give up smoking, why do they want to ban them?
Dunno.
Why are so many people covered in tattoos?
Dunno.
Why does it take three weeks to get a doctor’s appointment?
Dunno.
Why does the NHS pay f or foreigners to get treatment abroad?
Dunno.
Why do we let Romanian beggars sleep rough in central London and use Hyde Park as a toilet?
Dunno.
Why hasn’t the Government scrapped the Human Rights Act?
Dunno.
What do we get out of the European Union?
Dunno.
In England we speak English, so why does the council publish everything in dozens of foreign languages?
Dunno.
Why do we have seven dustbins and why are they only emptied once a fortnight?
Dunno.
Why do people take pictures of their bottoms and post them on the internet?
Dunno.
Why does anyone take any notice of anything on Twitter?
Dunno.
What are cankles?
Dunno.
What does YOLO mean?
Dunno.
What’s an emoji. Is it a baby emu?
Dunno.
Why is there a polar bear on Fox’s Glacier Mints? Our teacher said all the polar bears were extinct because of global warming.
Dunno.
If there really is global warming, why does it rain all the time and why do we need central heating?
Dunno.
Where’s the electricity going to come from when they close the power stations?
Dunno.
What’s fracking?
Dunno.
Why are the Tube drivers on strike again?
Dunno.
Why don’t they just sack them and hire some new drivers?
Dunno.
Who’s Lord Sewer and why is he wearing a bra?
Dunno.
What are FitFlops?
Dunno.
Who’s Jeremy Corbyn and why is he so popular?
Dunno.
Whatever happened to Nick Clegg?
Dunno.
Why does everyone get so upset over a dead lion but nobody seems to care less about thousands of people being slaughtered in the Middle East?
Dunno.
What’s kale pesto?
Dunno.
Why are there so many cookery programmes on television?
Dunno.
Why should you go to prison if you don’t want to pay for the BBC when there are hundreds of other channels to watch?
Dunno.
Who’s Alan Yentob?
Dunno.
Batmanghelidjh?How do you pronounce Camila
Dunno.
What’s a Cumberbitch?
Dunno.
Who’s Caitlyn Jenner and why is she famous?
Dunno.
What’s does the Q in LGBTQ stand for?
Dunno.
Why are we stuck in a traffic jam behind hundreds of lorries on the M20?
Dunno.
And who are all these men climbing out of the backs of some of the lorries going in the other direction?
Dunno.
Where have they all come from?
Dunno.
Mummy?
What is it now, darling?
Are we there yet?