My husband can no longer satisfy me

QUESTION:

I had a satisfying love life with my husband for 20 years but, since my late 40s, I have found it difficult to reach orgasm. I still enjoy making love, but my spouse has become despondent as a result. Last time I suggested sex, he said: ‘What’s the point?’ How can I improve this situation?

ANSWER:

THE need to ‘satisfy your partner in bed’ drives the headlines of countless women’s magazines, but we often don’t question what true satisfaction entails. People tend to equate it with orgasm — but that can be limiting.

It seems your husband isn’t convinced you can feel happy without reaching orgasm. Many people feel that a large part of their sexual excitement comes from witnessing their partner’s erotic fulfilment.

If your spouse has found it easy to make you climax over 20 years of married life, then it must be a big adjustment to find he can no longer steer you to that peak.

It also seems as if neither of you has thought about the sort of changes that occur naturally in most long-term relationships around middle age.

Many women find their erotic response changes with the runup to menopause and fluctuating hormone levels.

A long, reassuring conversation is in order. The happiest outcome would be if you could both adjust to the new status quo.

Is it possible that you would benefit from more foreplay? Focus on the erotic journey, rather than the arrival.

Ultimately, this is all about communication and changing your husband’s outlook. At least you can take comfort from the fact your husband is concerned about making the woman he adores feel ecstatic in bed.