FOUL PLAY TO KNOCK THE GENIUS OF GALLUS SHOW-OFFS

SCOTTISH football. If it didn’t exist, some astute exponent of cringe comedy would have to invent it. For this is surely the lone dark corner of the global entertainment business where actual entertainment is actively discouraged. With force, if necessary. The only commercial concern where putting a smile on the faces of paying customers provokes criticism, along with a none-too-subtle threat of retribution for any repeat performance. Yes, everybody just stay in your boxes. Neat and tidy players, that’s what we want. Guys who are adept at the give-and-go. Footballers who have been drilled until they accept that crowd-pleasing antics will only rile the natives. Look, Colin Hamilton is entitled to his opinion. And it’s understandable that the Alloa full-back was feeling a little sore after being on the wrong end of a 5-1 thumping by Rangers on Sunday. Let’s go even further — and admit that Hamilton was bang-on when he accused on-loan Spurs player Nathan Oduwa of ‘taking the p***’ in the dying moments of a contest long since settled. Of course he was. Well, you know what? That’s part of the game. And many of us genuinely enjoy watching free-spirited players extract the urine from the gentleman acting as custodians of the clean sheet. Don’t misinterpret this as some attack on defenders. It is perfectly OK for hard-working professionals to feel offended by blatant attempts to embarrass them. Moreover, they should be actively encouraged to express their ire in outspoken terms; one of the few things the Scottish game has going for it these days is world-class rows and rammies. We may not even be too upset if, in extremis, they occasionally attempt to clobber the sand dancer causing such a nuisance. But spare us, please, the faux outrage from those self-appointed keepers of the flame who cannot see joy without snuffing it out. Save us from the mocked-up umbrage being generated on behalf of some mythical code that rules out anything approaching exuberance. Are we really the same nation that gave the world not only some of the best tanner-ba’ players the game has ever seen, but a word to sum up the cheek, swagger and insouciance of said stars? Gallus. There can no higher compliment bestowed upon a footballer plying his trade in Scotland. Mercifully, despite the best efforts of the utilitarian movement, the ethos embodied by men such as Jim Baxter and Jimmy Johnstone endures — at least among supporters — to this day. Mazies, worldies, tekkers … new generations continue to mangle the language in search of ways to describe things that have made them roar with glee and delight. Looking at the current landscape, Celtic fans love Gary Mackay-Steven almost as much as Dundee United supporters once did. For all their physical power, the Hearts’ renaissance has been at least partly built on willowy wide men who leave defenders trailing. And, yes, occasionally looking stupid. Social media was buzzing with historical examples of showboating yesterday, including one beautiful clip of Hearts star Tommy Murray actually sitting on the ball — something Baxter never did, despite the myth, although his Wembley keepy-ups in 1967 were pretty special — in the build-up to a goal against Rangers at Ibrox in 1972. Dig a little deeper and you will find that Murray was only taking the mickey as retribution for Rangers winger Willie Johnston doing something similar against Hearts in the previous season. Jings, to think that the Scottish game was once awash with such tomfoolery. Surely there couldn’t be any correlation between that kind of brazen showboating and the massive crowds of yesteryear.