What on earth did Diane see in the Sexpot Trot?

Is Jeremy Corbyn the unlikeliest Lefty political lothario of all time? Up to and including John ‘Knee Trembler’ Prescott and robin ‘Leather Chaps’ Cook? Despite the competition, the answer is a resounding yes, yes, yes!

Jez has had three wives and also — we now learn — an affair with frisky chuckle bucket Diane Abbott. How many other panting idealists and fetchingly dishevelled skeletons are going to fall out of his stationery cupboard, hmmm?

Clearly, there must be something deeply arousing about being a Leftwing revolutionary. All those years of burning the midnight oil as he plots a soviet-style future and the overthrow of society. Or the overthrow of Diane’s bra, at least. I don’t want to think about that. Nor do I want to think about that holiday in the seventies, when lovers Jeremy and Diane went on a motorcycle pilgrimage to east Germany together — but doctor, the images won’t stop flooding into my brain. The pair of them, admiring the workers’ paradises of Leipzig and Potsdam by day, then peeling off their leathers by night, as they held each other close, vowing that one day — one day! — they would be in power together and then wouldn’t the world know all about it. raaar. Call off the hounds!

What i s so fascinating about Jeremy is that for someone who professes to have no vanity, he has a markedly keen interest in the ladies. And his success rate is stratospheric, despite the fact he doesn’t make much of an effort.

For a start, he eats beans straight from the tin. He always puts his own interests first and his principles over your pleasure. That does not sound like fun, yet they all adore him so.

Underneath the beige polyester suits, the greying vests and the unkempt beard full of falafel crumbs, there clearly beats the heart of a ragged trousered, vegetarian, cyclist sex god. Jez he can, he will and he does. Who would have thought?