Scottish Daily Mail

FLOORED BY A SUCKER PUNCH

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I GOT punched in the face on Fri­day night. I came out of a pub with some friends and saw a guy be­hav­ing ag­gres­sively to­wards a woman.

I didn’t really have any choice but to in­ter­vene – well, I sup­pose I did, but y’know – and he wasn’t very pleased with me for do­ing so.

My re­ward was a quite spec­tac­u­lar slug that left me flat on the floor with a fat lip, a bloody nose and a black­ened eye. I spent the week­end look­ing like a Twee­nie.

I’ve never been one for fight­ing: I lack the violence gene and would nor­mally run a mile from phys­i­cal con­fronta­tion. I don’t think I’ve been in a scrap since pri­mary school. But still, I’m a bit dis­ap­pointed by my per­for­mance. I didn’t even man­age to give him a Chi­nese burn.

I should have re­mem­bered the novel Money, by Martin Amis, right. ‘There is only one way to get good at fight­ing: you have to do it a lot. The rea­son why most peo­ple are no good… is that they do it so sel­dom, and, in th­ese days of high spe­cial­i­sa­tion, no one really expects to be good at any­thing un­less they put in some time. With violence, you have to keep your hand in.’

In fu­ture, I’ll take my Glaswe­gian wife out with me for pro­tec­tion.

 ??  ?? FOR dif­fer­ent rea­sons, over the past few months I’ve had cause to be in both Bute House, the First Min­is­ter’s res­i­dence, and Dover House, White­hall HQ of the Scot­land Of­fice. What jumped out at me was how lit­tle is be­ing made of two won­der­ful...
FOR dif­fer­ent rea­sons, over the past few months I’ve had cause to be in both Bute House, the First Min­is­ter’s res­i­dence, and Dover House, White­hall HQ of the Scot­land Of­fice. What jumped out at me was how lit­tle is be­ing made of two won­der­ful...

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