Scottish Daily Mail

THE RANTS OF CHAIR­MAN ALF

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‘YOU can al­ways tell a true white man — he turns pink in the sun, not brown.’

‘SILLY moo!’ (Alf’s pet name for wife Elsie. He claimed the in­sult was born when he tried to call her a ‘silly mare’ and fluffed the line.)

‘WE shall rise and get it back, the bloody Great Bri­tish em­pire, that your bloody Labour rub­bish gave away.’

‘BLOODY coun­try’s swarm­ing with Eyeties and Krauts and Frog­gies and Spag­nol­leys and Brussels Sprouts. All com­ing over here and tak­ing our jobs off of us!’

‘SHIRLEY Tem­ple’ (just one of Alf’s nick­names for his ‘long-haired Scouse git’ son-in-law.)

‘IF WE want a proper democ­racy here, we’ve got to start shoot­ing a lot of peo­ple.’

‘I DON’T be­lieve you should have your women in Par­lia­ment, ex­cept at your all-night sit­tings, ’cos then they can hand out the blan­kets.’

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