THE RANTS OF CHAIRMAN ALF

‘YOU can always tell a true white man — he turns pink in the sun, not brown.’

‘SILLY moo!’ (Alf’s pet name for wife Elsie. He claimed the insult was born when he tried to call her a ‘silly mare’ and fluffed the line.)

‘WE shall rise and get it back, the bloody Great British empire, that your bloody Labour rubbish gave away.’

‘BLOODY country’s swarming with Eyeties and Krauts and Froggies and Spagnolleys and Brussels Sprouts. All coming over here and taking our jobs off of us!’

‘SHIRLEY Temple’ (just one of Alf’s nicknames for his ‘long-haired Scouse git’ son-in-law.)

‘IF WE want a proper democracy here, we’ve got to start shooting a lot of people.’

‘I DON’T believe you should have your women in Parliament, except at your all-night sittings, ’cos then they can hand out the blankets.’