Scottish Daily Mail

He only wants sex when he drinks

- by Rowan Pelling

QUES­TION: My part­ner of nine years has al­ways en­joyed a drink, but in re­cent years he’s be­come in­creas­ingly re­liant on booze to ini­ti­ate sex, and of­ten can’t fin­ish making love. He in­sists there isn’t a prob­lem, but I feel we’re old enough (we’re in our mid-50s) to stop us­ing al­co­hol as a crutch.

AN­SWER: My French friends joke the Bri­tish are so up­tight that we’d never have sex if we didn’t have pubs. And there’s an el­e­ment of truth in that. In com­mon with other coun­tries with dank, cold cli­mates, we Brits tend to rely on booze to fuel our courtship rit­u­als. But let’s be clear on the mat­ter: if your other half can’t make love with­out al­co­hol, he definitely has a prob­lem.

True sen­su­al­ity ne­ces­si­tates be­ing fully in com­mand of your senses. And while that kind of close­ness can seem daunt­ing in the first stages of ro­mance (hence the glug of wine for Dutch courage), it should be some­thing to em­brace as the re­la­tion­ship pro­gresses.

The other prob­lem with al­co­hol abuse is that it has a damp­en­ing ef­fect on the li­bido. It can make it dif­fi­cult for a man to main­tain an erec­tion and dif­fi­cult for ei­ther gen­der to achieve an or­gasm. This tends to be­come more pro­nounced as you get older.

You say he’s been tip­pling for years. Have you tended to enjoy a drink with him over that time? If so, you will have been tac­itly en­dors­ing the habit.

You need to turn your time to­gether into an al­co­hol-free zone. On top of that, change the hours you make love. Few peo­ple are drunk in the morn­ing, so why not try it then?

But be warned! None of th­ese things will work if your other half can’t ad­mit there’s an is­sue.

Give him a shock and say you’ll re­con­sider the re­la­tion­ship if he can’t change. Re­mind him al­co­hol should be a ser­vant to plea­sure — not a tyrant.

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