We wish you a Merry Jihad!
JEREMy CORBYN is defying demands from Labour backbenchers to boycott the Stop The War Coalition’s Christmas fund-raiser. Good for him. Until he became his party’s leader, Corbyn was chairman of Stop The War. So to stay away would not only be an act of cowardice, it would be rank bad manners.
The fundraiser is one of the highlights of the Left’s glittering social calendar, along with the annual candlelit Guantanamo Bay protest outside the American embassy, and the mass picketing of homes belonging to MPs who voted in favour of bombing Izal strongholds in Syria.
This year, the price of admission has been reduced from £50-a-head to just £3, to thank all those cut-price Corbynistas who swept him to power.
Demand for tickets has rocketed. In previous years, Stop The War’s Christmas bash was held in the downstairs annexe of the Al Quds vegan kebab shop, near Turnpike Lane Tube station, in North London.
But so many revellers want to attend this year’s event that a giant Bedouin-style marquee, modelled on the late Colonel Gaddafi’s desert command centre, is being erected in hyde Park.
While it might strike some people as odd that Stop The War would be holding a Christmas party, thus risking offence to other faiths, every precaution is being taken to make it multi-cultural and fully inclusive — except for Red Tory Scum, i.e. most Labour MPs.
Sponsorship has been pouring in from major donors, including Iran, Saudi Arabia and Noraid. Security, which is expected to be tight, will be supplied by the Leytonstone Martyrs Brigade.
There is no formal dress code, but black armbands, intifada headscarfs and CND badges are encouraged. Balaclavas and Guy Fawkes masks are optional.
Partygoers are promised a night of ‘music, comedy and speeches’, as well as the presentation of awards to those who have made the greatest contribution to world peace over the past 12 months.
The final running order has still to be confirmed because the organisers have not yet managed to persuade the U.S. penal authorities to permit them to set up a satellite link to the supermax penitentiary in Colorado where Captain hook is serving several consecutive 999-year sentences for terrorism offences.
If that hurdle can’t be overcome, Captain hook’s Lifetime Achievement Award will be received on his behalf by Ram Jam Choudary, who is currently on bail and awaiting trial accused of inviting support for Izal. Stop The War is hoping that President Putin will be able to fly in to accept a special International Peacemaker Award, in recognition of his bravery, crushing insurgents in Ukraine and bombing anti-Assad forces in Syria.
ThERE will also be a minute’s silence to remember those fearless jihadis who died in Paris recently at the hands of the French security services as they tried to avenge Western aggression in Syria by murdering 130 civilians.
T-shirts bearing the proud logo ‘Je ne suis pas Charlie’ will be available from the concession stall next to the transgendered toilets. All profits will go to freedom-fighters around the world, including Boko haram and Al Qaeda in yemen.
As usual, the evening’s entertainment will be introduced by Chief Barker George Galloway, who will be reprising his ever- popular ‘Sir, I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability’ routine in honour of the late Saddam hussein.
Jeremy Corbyn himself will make the keynote address, offering fraternal greetings to comrades in hezbollah and hamas in their courageous struggle to smash the Zionist Entity and bring peace to the Middle East.
As well as a display of belly-dancing by Diane Abbott, this year’s cabaret will feature the rising star of agitprop street theatre, Carole Duggan, the demure aunt of gangsta Mark Duggan, who was shot dead by police in Tottenham.
Auntie Carole will perform her smash hit ‘No Justice, No Peace!’ accompanied by the Broadwater Farm Choral Society and the Man Dem Posse Orchestra.
Of course, no Stop The War party would be complete without a traditional Christmas sing-along, led by London’s very own cheeky chappie Red Ken Livingstone. Just follow the bouncing ball:
Towards the end of the evening, there will be an auction of original cartoons, none of which feature the Prophet Muhammad, with all money raised going to benefit the family of Britishborn Izal executioner Jihadi John.
Then it’s time for the grand finale. Revellers will file out into hyde Park to watch a fabulous fireworks display, with a barrage of Katyusha rockets fired in the direction of the Israeli embassy and the burning of a giant effigy of hilary Benn.
The party will reach a spectacular climax when half a dozen peaceloving members of the Tower hamlets branch of Islamic Jihad set off to blow themselves up on night buses and the London Underground, as the crowd sings:
Onward jihad soldiers, Marching off to peace, Driving the Great Satan, From the Middle East...