The secret of happiness? Learning to love being stuck in a rut
Forget big life changes – it’s tiny tweaks that bring joy, says Oxford academic Paul Hannam
celebrity or acquire a Chloe handbag if you can learn to turn up the volume on an ordinary day at home.
Spend a few minutes answering these questions and consider carefully what you write: 1. What would you do today if you had only a few months to live? 2. How would you live if you committed to being happy above everything else? 3. How would you spend your time if you shifted your focus from wanting more to appreciating what you already have? 4. What would you do today if you wanted it to be a perfect day? 5. What would somebody else, with the same resources, do differently if they were living your life today?
Now analyse your answers. Is there a yawning chasm between your normal day and the perfect day of your dreams?
Yes, we all have to earn a living, the kids have to go to school and compromises inevitably have to be made, but just stop a moment and consider — is there one small change you can make today (and every day) that will take you a step closer to your perfect day?
This isn’t about booking a table at a Michelin-starred restaurant or putting a moratorium on the ironing — it’s about feeling happy and engaged, to love and be loved, to savour each second and notice each exceptional detail of your precious life.
SMELL THE COFFEE
So many of us are stuck on autopilot, rushing around endlessly between tasks but hankering after quality time — those ring-fenced minutes you spend with the family, on holiday or in front of the TV.
But quality time is not determined by the people you are with, the job you hold or an idyllic holiday destination, and you really don’t have to wait for perfect conditions. It can be found now, through mindfulness.
Studies have shown mindfulness promotes physical and mental wellbeing, lowers stress and blood pressure, reduces anxiety and depression and even gives the immune system a boost. It helps you think more clearly, too.
But above all, mindfulness allows you to be more engaged with the present moment, freeing you to choose your thoughts and feelings, giving you space to let go of the fears and troubles that are keeping you in a Groundhog-Day rut.
Try this exercise: shut your eyes and focus on your breathing, counting to five as you breathe in, holding your breath for five and five again as you breathe out. Notice any thoughts and let them go. Do this for 30 seconds. Then a minute. Then two minutes.
Simple mindfulness exercises like this allow you to step out of the stream of relentless thinking and endless multi-tasking for just a few minutes. You can do it anywhere and any time — no need to be at a spa or meditation retreat.
Practise mindfulness breathing exercises, or just work on remembering to slow down and live in the moment. Take your time to savour everything you do.
You really can bring a relaxed holiday mood into your life by merely walking and talking more slowly, properly listening to a friend or your children, watching a sunset and being attentive to the small pleasures it’s so easy to ignore or overlook.
WAKE UP HAPPY
No matter what’s happening in your life, every morning you face a choice: to be happy or grumpy; to focus on the opportunities or the difficulties; to set out to learn and grow or stagnate and fester.
The direction you take when your alarm goes off will affect your mood for the rest of the day. You can create a terrible day, a mundane day, a good day or a great day. It is up to you. The events and encounters that take place may remain the same, but you can change the way you experience them.
at the end of each day, think about what you learned. What worked and what didn’t? What will you do differently tomorrow?