Want to drink wine fit for a Queen? Stick to the cheap stuff !

Become a wine buff the easy way with these brilliantly simple and unexpected tips from one of the Queen’s wine advisers

WHEN I first moved to London in the 1970s, I lived in a flat in Earl’s Court and spent my evenings drinking wine that many of you were probably quaffing at the t i me, too: Hirondelle rosé.

And at just 59p per litre, it tasted quite as you might expect. Pretty ropey.

Fast forward 40 years and I drink wine for a living. I’ve been described as the ‘most respected wine critic and journalist in the world’ by Decanter magazine and have the privilege of advising the Queen on her cellar. Those days of cheap- as- chips Hirondelle are far behind me.

But I must admit things were a bit simpler back then. Wine pretty much fell into two simple categories: drinkable and undrinkable.

Indeed, when I first started drinking wine as a student at oxford, around half of the bottles we opened were fit for nothing more than going straight down the sink. They were packed full of additives and had a terrible chemical stink.

Today, thankfully, wine is much better quality. But there’s so much more of it, from the old World wines of Europe to the New World of Australasia, South Africa and the Americas, not to mention new wine growers who are popping up everywhere from Sweden to China.

So how on earth does the average drinker navigate this complicated arena? What makes a wine good these days? And how do you know whether you’re getting a bargain? Simple. Read this guide, try a few of the wines I recommend — and you’ll be a wine expert in just 24 hours.

You’ll never be intimidated by a restaurant wine list or struggle to pick a bottle for dinner parties again. More than that, you’ll learn how to really love wine.

CHEAP CAN BE REALLY CHEERFUL

MYTH-BuSTING time, first: there is no correlation between price and quality in wine. So many wines are over-priced because of inflated demand, greed or clever marketing.

The difference in quality at the top and bottom ends has never been narrower, while the difference in price has never been greater.

If you’re looking for good value wine, stick in the range of £8-£20 a bottle. Here, you more or less get what you pay for. Below £8 and there’s usually too little left after fixed costs and tax to pay for the wine, so it’s likely to be poor quality. Above £20 and you risk paying for the vagaries of the fine-wine market.

Some wines are, mainly for reasons of fashion, underpriced. Try these and you’ll get a bargain: South African whites. Chilean reds and, increasingly, whites.

Wines from the Loire in general and Muscadet in particular. Beaujolais. Côtes du Rhône. Spanish Garnacha. Portuguese wines.

HER MAJESTY LIKES WAITROSE

You might imagine that Her Majesty serves the finest of vintages. In fact, the opposite is t r ue. There is very little difference between the wines served at big receptions by the Queen and the stuff you pop into your supermarket trolley.

I know because I’ve been a member of the Royal Household Wine Committee for seven years. And in keeping with her frugal nature, the Queen doesn’t splash the cash excessively when buying in the 5,000 bottles required by the Royal Household for the more than 300 events held each year in Buckingham Palace and at Windsor Castle.

By far the majority of the wines the Queen buys are either nonvintage champagne (supplied at an average price considerably lower than any supermarket special offer I have come across) or relatively modest wines, the likes of inexpensive New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and the most basic red bordeaux.

At one recent tasting in the Buckingham Palace cellars, we sampled wines at prices from £4.12 a bottle for a Rosso Piceno from Italy to £7.50 for a white Mâcon- uchizy f rom France. Hardly extravagant.

At another session we plumped for Villa Maria New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc from Waitrose — which you can pick up for £9.50 a bottle but, as we bought 40 cases, the price was almost certainly reduced.

Indeed, Waitrose’s wines have often done pretty well in our Royal tastings. So next time you’re picking a bottle in the supermarket, remember — you’re in the very best of company.

WILL YOU GO FOR THE HOT STUFF?

IF You really feel at sea when trying to decode what a wine might taste like, imagine a map of the world. Then remember this rule of thumb: hotter climates tend to produce grapes with lower acidity and more sugar.

This l eads to wine that’s stronger than those from cooler regions, as the more sugar in the grapes, the more alcohol can be produced by fermentation. So

the hotter the climate, the riper and sweeter the grapes, and, usually, the stronger the wine.

This is why wines made far from the equator tend to be lighter in alcohol. For example, wines from Puglia on the heel of Italy are much more potent and richer than those produced in the far north of Italy.

FIVE WAYS TO CHOOSE THE BEST

EvEn when you’ve found your perfect type of wine, remember the following before grabbing one off the shelf.

AvoId bottles that have been stored too close to strong light (like the shop window) or heat. This can rob a wine of fruitiness and freshness.

Look for wines bottled as close as possible to where the grapes were grown. An i ncreasing proportion of wine i s shipped around the world in bulk — but all wine l abels have to state the address of the bottler if it’s not the same person as the producer. Be wary of, say, a new Zealand wine that was bottled in the Uk.

IF ThE wine is stoppered with a natural cork, choose one that’s been stored horizontally, which keeps the cork damp and the oxygen out.

ChECk the fill level. You don’t want more than two or three centimetres of space above the wine in an upright bottle as this would be a sign of too much harmful oxygen.

For fine wines, it can be difficult to remember which year is best in each region. Try my rule of Five: all vintages since 1985 divisible by five (that is, ending in a 5 or 0) have been pretty good.

BEATING BORES — AND HANGOVERS

ThErE are two common perils of wine drinking: hangovers and wine snobs. The first is relatively simple to avoid. I always eat when I’m drinking and drink as much water as I can possibly bear. Boring, but effective. The second peril — the wine snob — is a little trickier. occasionally, even I find myself beside someone who doesn’t know what I do and who sees themselves as a wine know-itall. It gives me a rather mischievous pleasure to let them go on and on before I unmask myself.

You can spot wine snobs because they’re usually older men and they love to boast about what’s in their cellar rather than just enjoying their drink.

Probably the simplest thing to do when t hey’re s howing off their supposed knowledge is to remember that wine is an entirely personal matter.

For example, I enjoy German wines — but as they’re not in fashion, they’re certainly a minority taste at the moment. It doesn’t make my preference any less ‘right’ — or any less delicious.

WOMEN HAVE THE BEST TASTE

YoU might imagine wine is a man’s world. not true.

You’d be surprised if you knew how many men I meet in the wine business who say that, if they’re debating whether to buy a certain type of wine, it’s their wives who have the final say.

There’s good science behind this: women are more accurate tasters than men. In fact, Caucasian women are more than twice as likely as their male counterparts to be ‘hypertasters’ — people who have a particularly high density of tastebuds on t heir tongue.

Aside from the science, I think there’s mor e social pressure on men to pick the ‘right’ status wine (in a restaurant, how often has the waiter handed your husband the wine l i st, after all?), whereas women are allowed to relax and just enjoy their drink. no wonder they usually make better drinking choices.

ASKING FOR HELP IN RESTAURANTS

rEsTAUrAnT wine lists can be intimidating. And mark-ups are so steep — generally from 100 per cent to 300 per cent on cost price — that mistakes are expensive.

so how to navigate a wine list? Well, in terms of cost, today you can put your smartphone to good use — websites like winesearcher. com list global wine retail prices, so you know how much a particular wine has been marked up.

don’t be ashamed of ordering cheaper wines when you’re out; only oligarchs and oil magnates, who positively relish spending over the odds, head for the expensive end of the list.

But in matters of taste, why not do the most obvious thing and ask the sommelier or wine waiter for advice? Contrary to common belief, this is far from a sign of weakness.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say that asking for advice can be a sign of confidence — diners who lack knowledge are far more likely to be too timid to engage the wine waiter in conversation. Just say: ‘ I’m looking to spend about X, and we usually like Y.’

MATCHING WINE WITH A MEAL

IF YoU’rE eating something delicate — like fresh mozzarella, an omelette or poached white fish — it makes sense to drink a fairly light wine with it.

For whites, try sauvignon Blanc, Chablis or vermentino from Italy. For reds, try lighter examples like Pinot noir, Beaujolais or Cinsault from France. Most rosés would also work well.

But if you’re eating something heavy — pork belly, a hamburger or venison — you’ll want a suitably meaty wine. Try something fullbodied that can compete with your food, such as a rich Grenache, shiraz or Mourvédre.

If you want to drink wine with something sweet, make sure that your wine is even sweeter than the food, otherwise the wine will taste horribly tart. real tooth-rotters l i ke Pedro Ximénez, rich sauternes, rutherglen Muscat from Australia or ripe ruby port would fit the bill beautifully.

here’s a quick guide to some perfect pairings for your dinner party or big meal out . . .

STARTERS:

SHELLFISH — Full-bodied whites from Burgundy, Bordeaux or the rhône, opulent Chardonnays.

SMOKED SALMON — riesling, Gewurztraminer, Pinot Gris.

TERRINES — Light reds such as Cabernet Franc, Merlot, Chinon, Bourgeuil, Pinot noir.

MAINS:

BARBECUED MEATS — smoky reds such as full-blooded Barossa shiraz and south African Pinotage. CHICKEN — very versatile, but only the heartiest chicken dishes can withstand really full-bodied reds. Light reds such as Pinot noir are often a better match. CASSEROLES OF ALL TYPES — southern rhône reds, mature red rioja. FISH, PINK, LIKE SALMON OR TUNA — new World Pinot noir. FISH, WHITE — simply cooked white fish is one of the few foods pure enough not to overwhelm a light German riesling, but richly sauced fish dishes can be beautiful with fuller whites, such as Loire Chenin Blanc. PASTA — Italy’s more appetising reds such as Chianti or valpolicella. STEAKS AND CHOPS — red Bordeaux or Iberian reds such as douro or ribera del duero.

CHEESES:

BLUE CHEESES — sweet wines, such as sauternes. HARD CHEESES, LIKE CHEDDAR — Mature red Bordeaux or mature vintage port. WASHED RIND CHEESES, LIKE BRIE — Tangy, fruity whites, such as Chenin Blanc, French Jurançon or vouvray.

SWEETS:

CHOCOLATE — Try port, madeira or sweet sherry. FRUITY DESSERTS — sweet Loire whites such as vouvray do well, or Italian sweet whites like recioto di soave and Picolit. ICE-CREAM — Try Moscato.

24 Hour Wine Expert by Jancis Robinson is published by Penguin, price £4.99. To order a copy for the discounted price of £3.99, please visit mailbookshop.co.uk or call 0808 272 0808. P&p is free on orders over £12. Offer valid until February 6.