We’ll kiss and make up before going to bed

Chris rose, 58, is a retired teacher and lives in Croydon, south London, with husband ewen, 52, who owns a communications company. They have been together for 26 years and married for 23, and have three grown-up children.

CHRIS SAYS: Learning how to argue has strengthened our marriage. Years ago, we’d get cross with each other over trivial things. I cringe now at the times I shouted at Ewen because he’d brought our son home from the park caked in mud.

Over time we have learned that most things aren’t worth falling out over. But there have also been disagreements that have deepened our understanding of one another.

A year after we married in 1992, Ewen adopted my two children from my first marriage. I’d leap to their defence whenever he told them off and he’d hiss back that I must allow him to be a parent, too.

We slowly learned to discuss the children in private, rather than undermining one another in front of them.

Now we don’t ever go to sleep without resolving a row —

with a kind and loving kiss. In fact, kindness underpins everything in our marriage, including arguments.

If someone is kind to you, you cannot help but try to see things from their perspective.

Ewen brings me a cup of tea every morning and always walks me home from my Pilates class.

And, conscious of how hard he works, I insist on ironing his shirts and have a meal waiting for him every evening.

We still have a loving, physical relationship but I’d choose kindness over sex any day.

EWEN SAYS: When you’re fired up with anger, it’s easy to be cruel — but a long time ago Chris and I learned never to trade insults during a row.

Why would I upset the woman I love with hurtful words whose impact would linger long after we’d resolved the argument?

Wanting to be kind to one another also makes us more likely to bite our tongues to avert a row.

For us, kindness isn’t all hearts and flowers. It’s the small, seemingly mundane but thoughtful little gestures that mean most.