Now Ed’s a pin-up in a pinny

HOUSEWIVES across the land are reported to be in steamy uproar after watching ed Balls (pictured left) prepare his muffins on the Great Sport relief Bake Off.

Calm down, dears! i’m not denying the former shadow chancellor has a certain burly charm, but isn’t it more than we are all hormonally hot-wired to find the sight of a man in an apron deeply arousing? With the honourable exclusion of Corporal Jones in Dad’s army, of course.

What i really loved about ed was his hilarious competitiveness. he so wanted to win!

his stricken expression when Paul hollywood told him his meat pies had a soggy bottom was matched only by the moment he lost his seat in the 2015 election. he beamed like the morning sun when he was complimented on the ‘fruit distribution’ in his banana muffins, and who couldn’t love his ski-jump show-stopper, complete with a fondant eddie the eagle wearing KitKat skis, plus the Olympic sign picked out in Fruit Polos on the side?

Will someone please give ed a job before he starts making Wembley Stadium out of Twiglets and marshmallows. P.S. how could his fellow contestant, the former footballer now sports presenter Chris Kamara, get through life without knowing what cling film is?

The 58-year-old is a married man with two children, so at least he has some semblance of family life. Yet he couldn’t identify a roll of cling film in a kitchen drawer. his poor wife!