Hang on. It can’t be the Police Chief ... again!
THE GREAT BOX SET CONVERSATION ( PART 2)
AFTER TWO MINUTES
Q: I can’t follow what’s happening. Who’s the man with the beard and what’s he up to? What did he just say? I didn’t catch it. I wish they’d speak more clearly. A: They’re speaking very, very clearly. It’s not their fault they’re Finnish. Or is it Icelandic? Q: Or Welsh? The man conducting the autopsy looks just like Huw Edwards. Let’s hope he gets himself cleaned up before he delivers the news.
AFTER 15 MINUTES
Q: What’s happening? It’s so dark it’s hard to see. A: He killed her. Q: But who was he? A: We are not meant to know. Q: And who was she? A: We are not meant to know. Q: And what’s going on? A: We are not meant to know Q: So what ARE we meant to know? A: We are not meant to know.
AFTER HALF AN HOUR
Q: So why aren’t they arresting the man with the moustache? He’s obviously the one who did it. A: Because he’s the Police Chief. Q: But it’ s always the Police Chief who did it! It’s one of the perks of being a Police Chief.
AFTER AN HOUR AND A HALF
Q: I’m really worried about that woman in the summer clothes. She’s been trapped in the corner since the series began and has been signalling frantically, but the other characters are ignoring her. Who is she? A: She’s not in the series. She’s employed to do the sign language for the deaf. Q: But the Police Chief just gave her a nasty look. Do you think he’s planning to murder her? No wonder she’s busy signalling. She’s trying to tell us something!
AFTER TWO HOURS 20 MINUTES
Q: Uh-oh! The fog is turning into a snowstorm and the snowstorm is turning into a blizzard, and there’s an avalanche expected shortly. Let’s hope that gloomy housewife, Brrrrrr V. Chiillpersjohnn, manages to get her washing in on time.
AFTER TWO HOURS 50 MINUTES
Q: So why are they all so fat? A: They’re not. They’re all very thin. It’s 20 degrees below freezing in Norway. Q: Or Finland. A: Iceland. That means they’re wearing three anoraks per person, and two more when they go outdoors. And it’s one of the reasons the sex scenes take so long. Q: So how do we ever find out how thin they actually are? A: We only find out once they’ve been murdered and are queuing for their autopsy.
AFTER THREE HOURS 55 MINUTES
Q: I think I’m beginning to get the hang of what’s happening. The mutilated torso found in the cupboard in the garage belonged to the man with the beard who disappeared from behind the counter in the corner shop after the row with the man without a beard who had just been threatened by the man with the moustache who was nursing a grudge against the old woman with the multiple anoraks for covering up the involvement of her son with the beard in the death of the girl with the red hat who was last seen speaking to the man with the beard who disappeared from behind the counter in the corner shop after the row with the man without the ...
A: Hang on! But what a bout t he second torso?
Q: The one with the goatee? A: Yes!
Q: Well, t he ol d woman with the anorak swore that she’d s een t he s econd torso enjoying a beer in the neon-lit bar with the first torso, but her evidence was discounted by the Police Chief because she couldn’t explain how it had managed to lift its glass.
AFTER SIX HOURS 12 MINUTES
Q: What’s happening? A: It’s a flashback. Q: But we’ve seen it before. A: That’s why it’s a flashback. Or is it a flashback to a flashback of a flashback? It’s hard to keep up these days. Q: And who’s this sexy young woman who’s suddenly come on, smiling while brushing her teeth? A: It’s obvious! She’s the elusive serial killer they keep going on about. All the clues pointed to a sexy young woman with extremely clean teeth! Q: And how does this meerkat come into it? Oh, I see — we’re in the middle of an ad break.
AFTER EIGHT HOURS 19 MINUTES
Q: I can’t follow what’s happening. Who’s the man with the beard and what’s he up to? A: It must be a flashback to the beginning. Or was that a flashforward to now? Q: Where am I? Who are they? Who are you? And why on earth are we still watching this? A: We are not meant to know.