At 42, I’m terrified that life is passing me by . . .

thing has become ridiculous. What interests me is common humanity, not the self-obsessed boundaries people put up between each other.

When people obsessively witter about ‘gender’, I want to whisper: ‘The human spirit does not have a penis or a vagina, so for heaven’s sake lift your minds from your bits!’

This is not to minimalise the terrible way that gay people were — and in so many parts of the world still are — treated.

Nor is it to say that such things don’t matter when they cause mental health problems. But they are not all that matters. With that in mind, I mentally excised any references to your sexual orientation from this email because what does it matter that you are gay?

Your story could have been written by any woman or man whose spouse behaved like yours. Infidelity, dishonesty, casual cruelty, disillusion, anger, terrible hurt, the inability to take the next step forward . . . all are gender-free zones. Do you see what I mean?

This longing to meet someone else but fear of doing so, anxiety that you are getting older while the world is full of young, hot people, the ongoing outrage (yes) that you were dumped and replaced. such feelings are staples of this column in letters from men and from women. I want you to look outside yourself and see the whole.

So WhY seek a local gay support group and, because you can’t find one, do nothing? I did an internet search for ‘Counselling services + [your city]’ and came up with a number of options, so maybe you should start there, with your broken heart, bruised self-confidence and a firm decision to talk to someone neutral about your problems.

Remember how determined you were to pay the debt he left? Use that steely will right now. Are you going to carry around for ever the ‘damage’ inflicted on you? Yes, he smashed your hopes, but when that happens we all have to cease clinging to the past and act.

Get out there! Meet new people, of all genders. At 42 you’re a chick to me, so be determined to greet the ex with an indifferent wave (yes, be a good actor) as you remake your life.

Because — listen — you can.