Westminster wars

BehOLd! another tablet of Stone has been sent down from the summit of Mount Luvvie. Benedict Cumberbatch, Keira Knightley and an assortment of 250 celebs have signed a letter demanding we stay in the eU.

a grateful nation bows down in obeisance to these great political sages. and no matter that, thanks to the pressures of mass migration, many of fans can’t get their children into their preferred school, an appointment at their GP or affordable home.

as long as our idols have enough cheap staff from abroad to polish their gongs, that’s all that’s important.

HAVING been caught spending tens of thousands of pounds on ballet tickets, flowers and hire cars, the Lords Speaker, Baroness D’Souza, insists she has to spend ‘a little bit of money’ to promote the mother of parliaments. She defends her use of chauffeur-driven cars, claiming it was on the advice of her security officials — needed, no doubt, to protect her from the baying mob.

IN a withering attack, Michael heseltine says Boris Johnson has stooped to obscene depths in the eU debate and would be ‘very surprised’ if he ever became tory leader.

Why should we take lectures from the powermad traitor who hurled maces about and knifed Margaret thatcher in the back?