DEAR BEL

I HOPE writing to you will help me to make sense of a sordid nightmare for my family that began more than three years ago — and is ongoing.

My former husband, who left me 40 years ago for a 19-yearold, was arrested at the age of 72 and convicted (after 16 months of investigation) for having more than 2,000 indecent images and videos of children on his computer.

Eventually, he received a twoyear suspended sentence and was required to attend sex offender sessions. He was also placed on the Sex Offenders’ Register. I watched our two daughters crumble with shock and worry for their children, who had to be interviewed by social services as well as the police.

In the end, an account of the court case was published in a small local paper, but it seems not many people saw the item.

My problem relates to my elder daughter. After counselling, she decided to go on seeing my ex.

But my younger daughter has worked with children all her adult life and because of her wider knowledge of paedophiles, she has distanced herself from her sister’s naive belief that he made ‘one mistake’ and ‘didn’t actually touch’ a child.

The fact that my elder daughter and her son still see my ex is hurtful and a form of betrayal. I worry that, by association, my younger daughter could be at risk of losing her job.

My ex has explained his actions to my elder daughter. He cried, said this was one mistake (going on for five years!) and that he was lonely after his third wife left him. This, even though he played at a golf club and had a close relationship with his younger and elder sisters, nieces and their children, as well as a daughter from a previous marriage.

None of these people is aware of his crime or his place on the sex offenders’ list.

Now he has been diagnosed with cancer (primary and secondary) and his sister is being brilliant in her care of him.

I have tried to explain to my elder daughter that since she is the only one keeping his secret, she will suffer a bad backlash from the rest of his family when they find out the truth.

And they are sure to discover it — because the truth always comes out in the end.

For more than three years I have had this grubby secret buried in my head. I ask myself, who am I protecting? I am old, but my daughters have a future and I dearly want some words of advice and information for the elder one to read.