Noel the know-all insults EVERY victim of cancer

After a long course of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, a friend of mine has been given some bad news. the gruelling treatment has failed to wipe out his cancer and now he must have a bone-marrow transplant. Ben has already been through so much, but he remains incredibly cheerful in the circumstances. In public at least. And mostly, I suspect, for the benefit of his wife. ‘It’s just rotten luck, darling,’ he will say, clutching her hand as their lovely life together, one that they both worked so hard for, begins to dissolve around them.

Cancer is the cuckoo in their nest, the black cross painted on their front door.

for much of last year and for the foreseeable future, absolutely everything in their existence has changed. their lives are on hold, no plans can be made.

I wonder how Ben — and cancer sufferers like him — must feel upon hearing Noel edmonds chirp that cancer is caused by negative energy.

this week, the 67-year-old broadcaster seemed to be suggesting that cancer patients only have themselves to blame for becoming ill.

Why, if only Ben and everyone else with cancer had been a bit more positive, a bit more bloody cheerful, they would not be going through this right now! It’s all their own fault, you see. Now please plug yourself into this little gadget, yes the one that looks like a Stylophone, and you will be cured, just like Noel.

the Deal Or No Deal host alleges that he tackled his prostate cancer with something called an eMPpad, a machine which aims to stimulate ‘cellular resonance’ in the body.

the makers themselves make no such claims, but edmonds insists the electromagnetic box — which sends waves through copper coils in a body mat — was central to his recovery.

After sparking anger by promoting the gadget on twitter, he blithely told a cancer patient his disease could have been caused by his ‘negative attitude’.

Being told that being ill is all your own fault is not only victim-blaming, it is about the last thing anyone with cancer needs to hear, especially at such a vulnerable time in their lives.

Yet there was no stopping sprightly Noel, who looks like he dips his beard in a fresh vat of squirrel-coloured Cuprinol every morning. He went on to say that he was ‘very, very healthy’ now and only got his cancer because ‘I had gone through a very stressful, very negative period in my life’. By using ‘pulsed electromagnetism and a series of other things, I am now free of prostate cancer’.

Honestly. He’s had that wonder machine for years, and he never did anything to help cure Mr Blobby’s skin complaint? Shame on him.

On a more serious note, no respectable doctor in the world thinks that a ‘negative attitude’ causes cancer, but understand this — Noel knows best. Against all peer-based evidence, he has convinced himself of the reasons he became ill then recovered — despite the fact that his own father died of prostate cancer.

Having a ‘first-degree’ relative (a parent, sibling or child) with the disease increases a man’s risk of contracting it almost threefold, but Mr edmonds seems to have glossed over this inconvenient fact.

It all fits something of a pattern. A few years ago, Noel’s reflexologist — of course —introduced him to cosmic ordering: a form of positive thinking that involved people writing down their wish-lists and waiting for their wishes to come true. edmonds believes this is how he got his Deal Or No Deal show and he later wrote a book about his cosmic ordering experiences.

the truth is, he is the kind of controlling megalomaniac with a latent god complex who just cannot believe that the randomness of life applies to him.

that’s fine when he’s talking up the kind of mumbo-jumbo that gets printed next to the horoscopes in a supermarket magazine — not so good when it comes to life-threatening diseases such as cancer.

His insistence upon the efficacy of this machine might stop some people from seeking treatment and thrash around on a yoga mat instead. Worse than that, it is so demeaning to those going through horrendous cancer treatments.

Yes, a positive outlook might help, but it takes great courage to be chipper in the face of a devastating diagnosis — and through no fault of their own, not everyone can find it in themselves to be like that.

Cancer is extraordinary, yet utterly ordinary. It can affect everyone from prince to pauper, no matter how well they have lived their lives, how happy or otherwise they have been.

Babies are born with cancer, innocent young children are stuck down without ever indulging in a negative thought in their short lives. Whether it stays or goes depends on good fortune, circumstance and not much else.

I think of my brave friend Ben who does not deserve to have this visited upon him, but — as he says himself — who does? I think of all the others who have been given bad news and just must plough on as best they can.

they deserve more than to be mocked, however innocently, by know-all Noel edmonds.

talking about how his own positive efforts and gadgetry cured his cancer might be a part of his personal therapy for making himself feel better.

But Noel, please listen to me. It is not helping anyone else.