Scottish Daily Mail

Sorry, Sir John, but you don’t scare me

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SIR JOHN Major’s back, like Coldplay or a particular­ly persistent case of scrofula. This week Sir John, whose observatio­ns generally seem about as up to the minute as the Babylonian calendar, was banging on about the risk of a second independen­ce referendum if Britain votes to leave the EU, insisting the ‘uncomforta­ble truth is that the unity of the United Kingdom itself is on the ballot paper’.

He’s not the only one, to be fair. They’re all at it. Taking a break from inexplicab­ly shovelling hay on a farm in Selkirkshi­re this week, the Chancellor George Osborne warned Scots voters against giving the SNP any ‘excuses’ for a Scottish referendum, while Tory minister Amber Rudd made similar noises during ITV’s tedious Brexit debate.

Yeah, yeah. If you vote to leave we’ll run out of full fat milk by Christmas. If you vote to leave Ant and Dec will be relocated to a hilltop in southern Albania. If you vote to leave a giant swarm of non-EU regulated bees hell bent on destroying your azaleas will immediatel­y descend on your front garden.

For those of us north of the Border some of the ludicrous scaremonge­ring around the Brexit campaign has a sour tang of familiarit­y about it.

The yawning hyperbole seems exhausting­ly reminiscen­t of the frantic weeks of September 2014 when the Yes campaign painted postindepe­ndence Scotland as a world filled with unicorns and rainbows while Better Together muttered darkly about falling into the North Sea.

A few months ago, you could have FROM the department of You Couldn’t Make It Up (except they clearly did): mobile phone customers on the island of Barra have been told their poor signal is caused by ‘trees in the way’. Astounding, given there are hardly any trees on Barra. GOOD to see Nicola Sturgeon backing England in the Euro 2016 tournament, which started yesterday. I too will be supporting England, and hope many other Scots will too – if only because the ‘anyone but England’ mentality is a deeply embarrassi­ng, parochial quirk that makes us seem far more bitter than we really are. And anyway. There’s always Euro 2020, right? been forgiven for believing that leaving the EU might spark another referendum on Scottish independen­ce. I certainly did.

Before the Holyrood election, Nicola Sturgeon herself indicated that Brexit would ‘almost certainly’ trigger another referendum, a statement that magnificen­tly backfired when she attended a pre-election TV debate and found herself roundly booed by an audience sick to the back teeth of the SNP’s inability to let the matter rest.

But that was then, and this is now. In between there has been a Holyrood election that failed to give the SNP the majority they so desperatel­y craved.

Plans for a ‘summer of independen­ce’ in which Sturgeon promised she would try to ‘persuade other people of the strength of my case’ (note: people don’t need to be persuaded Nicola, they made up their minds two years ago, there was a big vote about it, surely you remember?) appear to have been shelved.

Not surprising given Stewart Hosie, forced to step down as deputy party leader last month after revelation­s of an extra-marital affair, had been tipped to helm the project.

And anyway. Sturgeon knows fine well that using a Leave vote to attempt a second referendum would be a foolhardy venture that would completely undermine her cause. There is absolutely no way the First Minister will attempt to push through a second referendum any time soon for the simple reason that a second referendum any time soon would result in a second No vote.

So look, vote how you want in the EU Referendum. If you’re concerned over fishing quotas and think our country’s fishermen get a raw deal, then vote to leave. If you’re worried that leaving the EU will destroy our trade links, vote remain.

But for goodness sake don’t vote to stay because you have been scaremonge­red into thinking it will prompt a second independen­ce referendum. No matter what Sir John and his chums might try to tell you, it won’t.

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ACCORDING to new research, falling in love makes you fat. Old news to every woman who has ever fallen in love – with a supersized bar of Dairy Milk.
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