The grandchildren have abandoned us

AS Regular readers know, I often feature letters from grandparents on this page, and did so before I became a grandmother myself. The Mail has always been at the forefront of supporting the traditional family (while understanding shifts in the way people choose to live) and that involves intergenerational care, especially as people get older.

When I was a child, grandparents played a large part in our family life, and that’s continued, with my own parents now cherished great-grandparents.

Why does it matter? Because we have much to learn from the older generation, and even if grandpa’s stories might go on a bit and grandma’s views may sometimes be unwelcome, children are never too young to learn that respect is due.

That’s why I regret your daughter has not played her part in making (I choose that word carefully, since you usually have to coerce teens to think about others) her children be more attentive.

A habit of care must be developed over time, but it takes effort. I hope this lady who pays great attention to bodily fitness is also aware of other sorts of well-being — like exercising that vital spiritual muscle called empathy. Consideration, if you prefer. Without that, we might as well all give up, because life isn’t worth living. empathy gets the heart rate up and I wish somebody would tell her.

I feel immensely sorry that you feel so hurt, neglected and alone — but suggest you do text your granddaughter (at 25, she should be more thoughtful) every so often as she suggests, because it’s a way of communicating she understands.

‘Popping in’ is rarely a good idea because many people (and I’m one) hate unplanned visits.

You say you ‘don’t want to say anything’, but would it be so hard to suggest you and your daughter meet for a cup of tea and talk through your feelings?

She may be just so focused on work and her fitness regime that she hasn’t given the matter a thought — apart from to assume you are OK.

She might be having problems with her 17-year-old. Why not give her the benefit of the doubt and have a chat, saying it would make Dad really happy (yes, put it on to him) if you could have a family lunch once a month to catch up on everybody’s news.

When we are down, it’s important to find a course of action — so I think you should be brave and speak gently to your only child and tell her the truth.