Proof that pain affects everyone

IT’S unlikely many people noticed, but last week marked a small watershed on this page. Since I began writing an advice column in 2005, I have never before featured two letters by men. Two women — yes, many times — and I always like publishing letters from men, because human woes have no gender. But last week I looked at Bill’s letter (about a will) and Peter’s (about the end of a gay relationship) and thought: ‘Why not?’

It’s always an article of faith with me that, as an experienced journalist, I should try to seek variety on the page. I haven’t changed my mind about that, but sometimes bending over backwards in search of ‘different’ letters is to ignore a majority.

For example, this week is also unusual in that I feature two letters from women of pensionable age, each with a family problem.

As regular readers know, I print letters from every age group — the youngest ever from a nine-year-old. I’ve used problems from every decade — but if the larger part of the postbag comes from older readers it would be artificial to ignore that. And family problems are huge.

The other day, our friend’s son (late 30s) was visiting and asked the old question: ‘Are the letters real?’

I smiled and said that if we had time I’d take him into my office next to the kitchen and show him the heaps of problems, comments, books and cards people send.

At the moment, I’m rather overwhelmed by the stuffed trays and folders and realise I’ve been storing all the mail as ‘evidence’ (if you like) of what comes in.

I just brought our bathroom scales down and loaded one bundle of published letters — which weighed over ¾ st (sorry, this Brexit gal never learned metric) of paper. I keep all the unpublished ones, too.

Something has to give. But each letter represents real feeling (sometimes heartfelt agony) from men and women of all ages and types. And — entrusted with those thoughts — I find it hard to abandon them.