My pity for the hostages of stroppy union chiefs

For EIGHT long, miserable years, I was a train commuter. Every morning I would shoehorn my tired body into a packed, overheated Scotrail carriage and perch silently as it made its painfully expensive and frequently late way from Glasgow to Edinburgh.

when you take the train on a daily basis, the smallest things take on enormous magnitude. The announcements about ‘safety notices’ broadcast at a volume that would startle a carthorse; the station clocks that all helpfully told a different time; the doleful staff who seemed to regard smiling as an enormous personal sacrifice.

Yes, I know how petty this all sounds. But believe me, when you spend around ten hours a week aboard a Scotrail train, you become observant of the minutiae to the point of obsession and, frankly, a bit of a bore about the subject.

which is why I have such sympathy for today’s long-suffering train commuters, who have had a hellish time of it this year. First there was the closure of the Queen Street tunnel – unavoidable we are told but still fiendishly annoying when it increases journey times and has done since march.

The closure added around 25 minutes to the Glasgow-Edinburgh commute, while some primitive arrangement involving an outside canopy for queuing purposes at Glasgow Queen Street must no doubt have added to the carnival atmosphere.

The tunnel will reopen fully on monday, just in time for the trains to Edinburgh to be packed out with tourists heading to the Festival. Let joy be unconfined.

But the most frustrating difficulty to hit commuters in Scotland this year has been the train strikes.

The impact on the economy alone has been astonishing, with an estimated cost of around £150million so far. It has disrupted the open golf, countless summer holidays and, of course, made hostages of the 250,000 souls who commute daily with Scotrail.

As ever in these sorts of wrangles, the argument at the heart of it, involving Scotrail’s desire to expand the number of driver-only trains and the role of its conductors, is deeply confusing, and centres on whether drivers or guards operate the doors on some services.

The rmT says the dispute is about ‘ensuring that Scotland’s trains run safely’. Scotrail says the union has been running a campaign of ‘disinformation that doesn’t bear scrutiny’. Commuters say: ‘Just get me to the office on time, please.’

This week however, a breakthrough: the rmT said it would suspend the latest series of strikes after Scotrail agreed to change just one word – ‘conductor’. Conductors will, apparently, be allowed to keep the title, and will retain the pay and terms they have always enjoyed – something which Scotrail insists was never in doubt.

we are not, apparently, out of the woods yet, because when it comes to union action, we rarely are. But, honestly. All this disruption, misery and chaos over one word? All the missed meetings, untaken holidays, sporting events unwatched, family reunions foregone – all over one word?

most of us have had a wide variety of job titles over the years. As long as there’s a decent wage and the occasional holiday perk it matters very little.

Speaking for myself, however, I am delighted I no longer have to call myself a Scotrail commuter. In these troubled and tedious times, that really would be too much to bear.